Author: Sapna Shah

A Dog Mom, who's dogs have adopted her.

Happiness

Happiness can sometimes feel impossible, but it’s always within reach. Happiness isn’t something that just happens to you. But we create our own happiness. I spent most of my life believing that my happiness was in the hands of others, that if they were sad meant that I did not do enough. When in truth, I was doing far too much, it was just for the wrong people. In short, I was self-harming.

I also realized that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I often thought, I do not look good enough to attract a life partner, or I do not earn enough money, or I do not have the confidence, etc. Think about all the people you have secretly had a crush on. All the people you have found attractive, but never said anything to. Every stranger you’ve temporarily fallen in love with on public transportation. All the people you have dreamt of and thought of it in the early mornings. And now take a moment to realize that you have been this person for so many people….and you have no idea.

It’s a mindset that holds you back from succeeding and believing in yourself. Humility is a healthy character trait to have, but if it’s at your own expense, it’s no longer beneficial.

You are going to realize it one day – that happiness was never about your job or your degree or about being in a relationship. Happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you; it was never about being like others. One day you are going to see it – that happiness was about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always about being kinder to yourself; it was always about embracing the person you were becoming. One day, you will understand that happiness was always about learning how to live with yourself, that your happiness was never in the hands of others. IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! 

Many people realize that happiness is a choice and it’s up to them to intentionally choose it every single day on purpose. Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in other people or possessions. 

Oftentimes there are things beyond our control affecting our ability to “choose happiness.” And how we love and talk to ourselves when difficult (unhappy) times happen is a reflection of what we believe. During those times, maybe it is difficult to choose happiness, but then, choose patience and calm. You are given two choices at that time: either wait for the light at the end of the tunnel, or become the light to cross the tunnel.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be to love yourself whole even when you feel less than half.

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Not feeling good enough in a relationship

Inadequacy, worthlessness and inferiority are defined as a condition of not being enough or not being good enough. You had a traumatic past, or consistent bad partners, which makes you wonder why you are sad all the time. Low self esteem and unfair comparisons makes you feel unworthy. While everyone has these feelings, we have to remind ourselves that our mind is tricking us into thinking we are not good enough. 

In general, I don’t think we talk enough about the trauma of not feeling good enough. Never feeling like what we give is enough, because we constantly need to always give more to get effort. Never feeling like we are worthy, because we chase every chance at being wanted. 

We don’t often talk about the trauma in accepting someone into our lives who isn’t meant for us after they have shown us countless times that they are a piece of shit…..but we try to mold ourselves into what they need…..because that ounce of what felt like love they gave, was enough to cave. We don’t talk about the unhealthy yearning of being loved, that we would do anything to feel it, that we would let anyone in who feels comforting.

We don’t talk about how it starts with security and ends with uncertainty. We hold on to the toxic ones even though we know they are incapable of delivering, and in return we feel more damaged. We don’t talk about the fear of letting go because we inhale the fostering aroma of our gaslighting performer. We fear never feeling the mirage again that they handled with care. 

We don’t talk about the burnout and bareness of picking up the broken pieces, the fear of actually feeling something real again. We don’t talk about how the hopeless romantic can lose hope. We forget to talk about the parts we adapt in these cycles of our heart’s abuse and how we form these patterns where we start feeling like “not good enough”.

I want to feel love, that’s on me, but when they take advantage of my fragile heart, that’s when the tables turn. Accepting someone in my life when the signs have proven they are not for me, that’s on me, but when they use my love for them as a pawn, that’s where the line is drawn. 

We often blame someone else for all the pain we endure, but we forget to take accountability for our part in the heartache. It’s the illusion of what we manipulated ourselves to believe love to be….and how dangerous it became to be. Being disappointed feels so normal now. The new “normal” is being repeatedly disappointed. 

There is still a war going on within ourselves, but things have changed. We no longer try to destroy ourselves. We are on a rescue mission, aren’t we?

We are all just a bunch of weirdos trying to figure out what the fuck we want or what we are doing. We are all crazy and we are all struggling. The difference is, some of us are just honest about it, while others continue to destroy themselves and their partners.

And remember, you are SO not alone.

Aging isn’t lost youth

Embracing the journey of life, embracing aging. I have always been one of those people whose age is a bit of a mystery, but these past few weeks I feel like I am starting to look my age. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it has been only in the past two years that I started taking self-care seriously. Had I known earlier, I would have looked much younger than what I already look. 

So I am faced with a choice: age gracefully and quiet those noises in my head that feed my insecurities, or intervene in some subtle way to keep myself looking as young as possible for as long as possible. 

Back then, I thought aging meant looking old. So I started a skin care routine, tried to keep myself hydrated, took working out seriously, ate healthy, quit drinking, etc. While all these did give me physical benefits, I failed to realize that aging is actually a matter of mind more than the body. There are things that come with age. But the inner peace and clarity that comes with life experience also comes with age. Wisdom and confidence also comes with age.

While I wince sometimes when I see an unflattering photo of myself or catch a glimpse of myself in direct sunlight, I try to remind myself that there’s a unique and under-appreciated beauty that comes with age. 

Yes, the clock is ticking! It’s ticking for everyone. Aging is real. As real as birth and death. Aging gracefully normally refers to age or appearance – “She doesn’t look as old as she is”, “He is still active for his age”, and often comes with negative connotations. Perhaps it’s time to change our interpretation of the term.

Aging is about finding who your true friends really are. It’s about finding the difference between shiny and worth. It’s about the confidence to be yourself in any room. The time to dedicate to things that bring you joy. The wisdom to say no to the things that don’t. The freedom to choose your own path in life. The courage to be happy in your own skin. The knowledge that very little truly matters in the end. Not being scared of making mistakes, but the attitude to accept and rectify it.

Aging gracefully refers to whatever actions you may need to take to confidently thrive in your older years, and have a positive outlook towards the changes. Cherish the ones that stay, let go of those who choose to leave. Celebrate yourself at every stage of life, live a healthy lifestyle and stay fit to delay or avoid any diseases. 

Give yourself credit for all the difficulties you have overcome in life. Nurture your relationships. Stay active with your dogs to even keep them from developing any kind of illnesses. And most importantly, don’t forget that your mental health is also very important. Don’t be bogged down by the issues coming your way. A healthy mind is also a healthy body. 

Above all, aging isn’t lost on youth. But “positive aging allows us to weather the expected and unexpected changes we experience internally and externally, to age gracefully.”