When we are asked to about the 3 magical words, we automatically think about “I Love You”. But there are another 3 magical words – It’s Not Magic. This applies for everything in life. Most importantly when you are getting an ill patient treated. In short, it means to do the work and then be patient.
Let me give you an example of my dog. Earlier, when he used to fall sick, I would take him to the vet. The vet would treat him or prescribe some medicines, and I would expect results immediately. If my dog was not showing results, I would Google his symptoms and automatically assume the worse; followed by calling the vet and bombarding him with questions. That’s when one time; the vet told me “it’s not magic”.
This statement has been stuck into my mind ever since. I thoroughly understood what he was trying to say with these 3 words. From that day forward, I started applying these words even in other aspects of my life.
Don’t hurry. If you must, then hurry slowly. Nothing is magic. Everything takes time. Having patience means being able to wait calmly in the face of frustration or adversity or anxiety. Basically patience is essential in every part of life.
The moment the vet told me “it’s not magic”, I immediately slowed down. I had just got Junior treated. I had to be calm and keep my patience for the magic to actually work. Results take time, which I used to forget in the time of urgency. There are times when we have to take immediate decisions. But immediate decisions don’t mean immediate results.
Keeping calm and having patience also saves us from making wrong decisions or going over board when it’s not needed. As I mentioned, earlier I used to stupid. Imagining that the vet treated my dog, means he has to start being active immediately or illness has to be cured immediately, and if that did not happen, I would Google his symptoms, or sometimes even talk to people and ask for advice. Forgetting that they are not professionals and every dog is different resulting to different results and different forms of treatments. After all the chaos, I would put myself into deep anxiety and bombard the vet with questions and even ask him to do many other tests. Again, forgetting that he is an experienced professional, and if needed, he would advise me to get my dog tested further.
It’s not that the doctors do not make mistakes. They do. They are humans after all. But they are definitely far more experienced than us. And I am not even trying to saying that if we have a question or a doubt, then we shouldn’t address it. We definitely should. But then, once again, once we get the answers, we should be patient. Remember – it’s not magic.
Same way, when we start a new business or a new relationship, we cannot expect results from day 1. We should let it grow. Nourish it. Be patient. Do the hard and smart work. And then one day, our patience pays off. If everything was magic, then there would have been no meaning of life. Patience teaches us to even appreciate of what we have, how far we have come and eventually enjoy the results.
Each time now when my dog falls ill, I follow what the vet says and stay calm. No matter how long it takes to treat him, as far as my dog is getting better, I am patient. Most importantly, I have vowed to NEVER listen to idiots giving free unasked advice.
I also apply these magical words in my daily life. Even if I have fallen ill, or started a new side hustle, or have started a new relationship, I am patient. Just like “Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day”, the same way, nothing is magic.
A Velcro dog normally means a clingy dog. Sometimes, dogs are simply clingy because we allow them to be, by giving them a little too much attention. A dog’s everlasting devotion is one of the best traits. However, it is possible for your dog to be too clingy – a Velcro dog that sticks to you everywhere you go. Junior is a classic example of the same.
You might not mind if your dog rests their head in your lap every time you sit to watch television, but it becomes a problem if they exhibit destructive behaviors due to separation anxiety. But that is not the case with Junior. Since years I have been leaving Junior alone at home for work and come back with everything at its place. No destructions and no accidents (unless he is unwell).
Junior is simply clingy. When I am at home, he will follow me from room to room, and even in the bathroom. He just wants to be around me, because I give him a lot of attention when I am around. The reason for this behaviour is because Junior had developed separation anxiety after Casper passed away.
In true honesty, I love it when Junior is clingy. It gives me a sense of being wanted. His warmth and love makes me feel comfortable and stress-free. A feeling of being unconditionally loved is something that no words can explain.
Anytime I leave Junior at boarding/lodging when I am going out of town, I feel empty. I feel like a major portion missing out of my life. I won’t be wrong if I say that I am actually clingy. I have got so used to Junior sleeping next to me, that I get sleepless nights when I am out of town. I don’t enjoy my evening Tea alone, that I enjoy when Junior is sleeping on my lap and I am sipping on my favourite Tea.
It’s a Velcro relationship. We both are clingy. We both cannot do without each other. I don’t know if this behaviour is bad for the long term, but for today; it’s the best I can ask for.
Dogs that have anxiety issues often develop clingy behaviours. Interestingly, dogs can also become clingy if they sense our stress or anxiety, and I suffer from self diagnosed anxiety. Surprisingly, my vet has recognized this behaviour and often recommends me to “be prepared” as my dog is turning old. But no matter how prepared you are, you can never be prepared.
Let me not get into the negative aspect of this. For now, Junior is my tail. Wherever I go, he follows. Today, for the first time I let Junior walk off leash. I have never tried this before. But he followed me so well, I was shocked. I had never done this before because I live in a crowded city; too many people and vehicles all year round. I always feared Junior running away or meeting with an accident. But today he surprised me. Like a tail attached to my body, he kept walking with me.
It’s bedtime for Junior right now. And he is sleeping right next to my chair instead of sleeping on the bed in another room. The unconditional love and companionship he offered to me is something I cannot get from anyone else. I have tried to give him his space in the past, but failed. Either he got frustrated and stuck around me or I couldn’t manage the distance and clinged onto Junior.
Having a clingy dog is not necessarily a bad thing. Many people wouldn’t have it any other way. I personally love having my dog by my side. The moment Casper died, I wanted to prove to Junior that he was loved and he was not alone. I wanted Junior to feel secured. And somewhere from within, I too wanted to fill up the void Casper had left. Fortunately, this did not create any behavioural issues with Junior as he sleeps in peace when I am not home. And also plays and stays well when he is at the boarding/lodging.
Clinginess is not all that bad unless your dog has some medical issues and displays it in his behaviour. If that’s the case, you should immediately jump into correcting the behaviour or show a vet. Otherwise, enjoy the love and affection from your dog; because such pure love can only be shared between a parent and a child.
The Unspoken Words between our dogs and us.
A pure bond where words are not required to communicate, but just eye contact is enough. The eyes are the windows to the soul – so so so true. It gives the opportunity to be completely present and available to whatever emotions are being conveyed.
Dogs understand both, the meaning of words, and the tone used to speak to them – to a point. Though they do not understand full sentences, but the words we used to train them is what they attach the meaning to it. For example, the word “sit” is followed by teaching them how to actually sit down with the help of treats. But let’s not get into logic here.
I am pointing out at the emotional and funny part. Let’s start with the emotional one. As I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, there was a time when I wanted to end my life. I was all prepared and just sat one last time on the bed reflecting on all the life’s troubles and crying my eyes out. Somehow Casper understood what I was going through and immediately jumped on me and started licking my tears. He saved my life. He understood his Mumma was going through a bad time and his sloppy kisses would solve the problem. Indeed, it did – without me saying a word.
Even when I am unwell, and do not have the energy to play with Junior and keep attending to his demands of feeding him out of time food, he somehow understands and never bothers me. Somewhere he knows that Mumma is unwell and he should let me rest and recover. On other days, he doesn’t leave me alone even for a second. The moment I sit with my Tea, he feels that “how is she relaxing? She has to be on my duty at all times”. And he would keep tapping his paws on me till I give in.
The funny part is; I talk to my dogs in 2 languages – Gujarati and English. And they understand both of them (not in the literal sense). When I am in public and talking to Junior, it amazes people that my dog understands what I am saying.
But these are words that I speak. However, dogs do understand the emotions and we understand theirs. The unspoken words where we know that our dog is unwell or something is wrong, or when they need extra care and love, and vice versa. The eyes and the emotions behind it don’t require words to be spoken. And this can happen only if the bond is strong and pure.
Are the eyes soft, loving, compassionate? Is there hardness, anger, unspoken yet felt? What about fear, or frustration? Seen in the eyes, it’s so tangible in the air as well. Be willing to look deeply into those eyes, and take this wonderful opportunity to hold this dog with whatever intensities are expressed. It is an amazingly intimate opportunity for deeper relationship.
You dance; your dog dances with you. You are sad; your dog offers you kisses. You are angry; you dog sits in the corner of the room waiting for you to calm down. You are happy; your dog joins in to share the happiness. Same way, your dog is unwell; you get anxious. Your dog doesn’t eat; you skip a meal. Your dog is enjoying the walk; you are also happy.
In all this, no words spoken; just understood. The funny thing is, when we tell guests or non-dog owners that “my dog is hunger, or needs to pee or poop, or my dog is just playing”, and look at you with shock in their eyes, as if “how do you know?” We just know J
We can understand the silence and the emotions screaming loudly behind those eyes. Our bond is special, and it requires no words. Our unspoken words SPEAK THE LOUDEST.
I feel like escaping. I live in a prison of my own thoughts. Imaginary or true, I have lost the touch of reality. My thinking keeps me away from the warmth of home. Confused, discontent, sad, I don’t have the answers. Only questions keep lingering for long. Is it the search for a greener grass? Or doubting if the shine I possess is not for me? Is it just in my head? Or my worst fears will come true one day?
Some days I am caged by the past. I sit and wonder, if I had done this, then that wouldn’t have happened. If I get a chance to go back and start over, I would do it a different way. Had I taken better decisions, then I would be happy now. Or if I would have waited a little longer, then I would be in a different situation now.
Other days I am consumed by the future. As the night falls, so does my motivation to stay strong. Many nights I am at the brick of falling completely apart thinking about the future. The overwhelming fear of the unknown; the uncertainty just scares me off. The dreaded thoughts of living without your loved ones, or suddenly going broke, or doing something incredibly wrong. Forgetting that Anxiety is a story teller, I still let it consume me.
Most of the days, I am completely cut off from the present. Just living! No motivation, no goals, no aims, just half in the past and half in the future. Self sabotage is a blade, one which I possess carelessly, always cutting, but never bleeding me out.
Am I the only one? Or are there others feeling and thinking the same? Does consistent bad time really play with our brain? Do we really get stronger and learn something? Or we just get used to living in survival mode. Is it always fight or flight? Or has someone seen the sun shining bright after thunder storms?
The desire to escape is fueled by yearning to run away from the unpleasant circumstance and situation. My problem is over thinking and trying to control the outcome. It’s a burnout feeling. When I was young, my dreams were to own a house, have a car, a family of my own and lots of money. Later it reduced to have at-least enough income to buy anything without seeing the label. Gradually it reduced to being healthy and seeing your loved ones healthy and happy. And now it’s narrowed down to having a peaceful mind and staying happy in whatever I have.
Sometimes life feels so overwhelming and claustrophobic that we long to escape, leaving everything behind and start new. Most dissatisfaction of our lives is fixable, or atleast can be improved. We know all the answers, yet we have too many questions. The resistance to change and trying to control the outcome is what puts us in a negative thinking cage.
I know it all. Yet here I am, trying to escape, drying up all the hopes some days for a better future. Feeling on and off has left me tired. Anxiety is bad. It tricks your mind into thinking that nothing will ever go right. It makes you think the worse case scenarios. A persistent state of worry and displaying excessive amount of fear leaves you drained.
But am I the only one? Is it really a tough time for many whether or not dealing with anxiety/depression? I know escaping is not the solution. And it should not even be. There are a lot of little things to be happy about and content with. For me it’s Junior and my family. However, some days I just feel like escaping. Just for a little while, to come back all charged up and face the world again.
What is it that you are after? Are you taking care of yourself while you reach it? Why are you pretending to love your work? Will you be satisfied after you reach your goal, or by then you will need more? What is your definition for being successful?
So many questions, only one answer – the only thing waiting at the finish line is BURNOUT.
One of the biggest traps of this hustle culture is chasing what others deem “right.” What exactly is hustle culture? In short and clear words, it is more money to make, a bigger title, a higher promotion, etc. But what about, when you have achieved your goals? By then, you are extremely overwhelmed. By the time to reach the milestone, you are already unsatisfied and want more, most of the times because someone else has it.
Social media has played a very important role in promoting the toxic hustle culture. And why blame only social media, this kind of toxic behaviour has been infused into many families since childhood by comparisons. Mr. Sharma’s son got an A in his exams; you too have to study hard to get better. Mrs. Shah’s daughter came first in the race; you have to come first in the next.
Grind, hustle, work hard, etc. words like these have been glorified. Suddenly, talent has become secondary and success depends on long working hours. Time off is seen as laziness. If you are not hustling, you are failing. So damn toxic L
Always ON lifestyle with eventually lead to burnout and depression.
What has anyone got from this hustle culture? Ill health, stress, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, greed, etc. is what you get from nonstop grinding and hustling. Hustle culture started from toxic family behaviours and then it got its boost from social media. Even in my previous post I have mentioned how social media is being misused. The truth is, someone posted a picture of sitting in a lavish restaurant, but is struggling to pay utility bills. Someone posted a picture of living in a huge house or buying a big car, but is actually in debt. Someone posted a picture of a branded watch, but is actually a copy. And the list goes on.
But what do we do? We feel sad seeing all these posts and compare our present situation with theirs. We put in more hours to work to earn that extra money neglecting our health and relations. Only to show others that if they can do it, then even we can. The moment we take a break, people guilt trip us into thinking that we are lazy and we will not reach our goals if we rest.
Allow me to give you a fresh example of what a BIG LIE social media is. The gym that I go for workout, offers members a free a trial before paying for membership. One day when I was working out, I seen a woman come in along with a friend, used all the machines to exercise while her friend was recording her videos, and never showed her face at the gym again. Moral of the story, she used the free trail only to remove videos to post on social media. Do you get my point now!
Hustle culture thrives on stress, fear, guilt and shame. But we forget that an exhausted mind won’t be able to function. Hustle culture glorifies overworking as a badge of honour.
STOP celebrating this toxic culture and take timely breaks. Do not compare your stage 1 to someone’s stage 3. Learn to be happy and satisfied in what you have while working to reach your goals. Slow down. Take it easy. Life is short. Life is fragile. Don’t bother about what people will say if you have rest days. Don’t take calls if you are exhausted. Eat slowly. Exercise. Have a lazy day once a week. Play with your dog. Get 8 hours sleep. Love the life you have while you are healthy, because in true terms, health is wealth.
Give rest to your mind body often. Because if you get carried away in this toxic hustle culture, your mind and body will automatically take rest, and that will not be an appropriate time for you.
While dogs have evolved to be generally socializing animals, anybody who has owned dogs understands that pet parents do indeed develop a little possessiveness over their dogs. Humans are unpredictable; follow their own ideas and cultures. But when it comes to being a loving pet parent, we do tend to get possessive over our dogs.
We have all read about dogs being possessive over their owners. But in this post, I am going to talk about how I am possessive over Junior.
I love very hard and deep. Be it loving my siblings, parents, romantic partner or my dogs. I am protective in nature, but for Casper and Junior I am very possessive. I do not like it when they play more with other people (I am stupid I know).
Casper and Junior are very friendly dogs. They have never bitten anyone or even shown aggression. When people meet my dogs, they immediately fall in love with them. And that’s when my jealousy kicks in. I keep thinking, “No, you cannot love my dogs so much. Only I have the rights to love them a lot.”
It’s been 12 years since I got my first dog (Casper) home. Ever since, I have learnt a lot from them. Especially what humanity means. Out of those 12 years, 10 years I have lived by myself with my dogs. Within no time I got very close to them, and also very possessive.
Though I love it when my parents and siblings pamper my dogs; but anyone else who over showers love and attention on my dogs, I get my guards on.
My dogs love meeting people and playing. I never stop them or dog friendly people to come home and have a good time. But because of my possessive and protective nature, I am always around and looking upon my dogs.
Sometimes, when I see someone offering treats to my dogs, but they place it on the floor; I immediately pick it up and feed my dogs the treats from my hands. If someone is forcing me to let them feed my dogs a bite from their plate, I lie to them saying my dogs will throw up. Even when a friend is clicking too many pictures with my dogs, I tell them that my dogs are tired and need to sleep.
Many a times when I see a friend getting over friendly with my dogs and my dogs reciprocating, I lie to them that it’s my dogs’ bedtime and they need to go. Please be informed, I do let my dogs play with people and other dogs, but after sometime, remove some excuse and take my dogs away. Jealousy is not the only reason, but sometimes my dogs get over exerted in excitement and my friends don’t understand that, so I have to lie to my friends and go away with my dogs.
One time, we had some friends come over. All of them were understanding and decent except one. He always had a habit to create trouble and act over smart. Since he is a part of the group; I couldn’t tell him to not come at my house. But as soon as he came, I warned him to stay away from my dogs or not irritate them. After an hour or so, this guy got into his old rubbish self and tried making Casper drink beer. Since I was on alert, I immediately got up and placed a tight slap across his face. Yes the evening didn’t end well, but I cannot tolerate anyone misbehaving with my dogs’ inspite of being warned.
I am Casper and Junior’s mother. Only I have the rights to call them mine. When I had a boyfriend, and he would claim to call my dogs as his, I had even told him that he can love them and care for them, but Casper and Junior are only mine…..hahahaha!
I don’t know if I am the only one who is so possessive about her dogs, but I don’t think my possessiveness will ever change. My dogs are my world. My life rotates around them. And I wouldn’t like anyone who spent 10-12 days or 2-3 hours with my dogs claim to love my dogs or my dogs loving them more.
We all know that caring for an aging dog is the same as caring for an aging adult. Infact, it is sometimes more difficult. Pet parents play an important role and often struggle with their pets’ dementia and incontinence, as well as navigating through the maze of end-of-life care decisions. The struggle is real, and I am going through it right now.
As Junior turned 10 years old, I was happy that he reached that age, but at the same time, I started a new journey as a parent of a senior dog. I have seen him slow down ever since and his fragile body is more prone to illnesses than ever. Besides the illness, his recovery has become very slow.
A natural aging process that we are all aware of; still we live in constant fear that anything bad will happen to our dogs which will be irreparable.
There are tons of articles and posts available on the internet regarding caring for aging or old dogs. So I will not waste any time in explaining those. As we are all responsible pet parents and we only want the best for our dogs, but I will definitely share 1 tip or advice with you’ll that Junior’s vet shared with me to ease my mind.
Being the over thinker that I am, I take Junior to the vet immediately if I notice even a slight change in his behaviour or physical appearance. My vet knows my nature very well and made me sit down and explained to me that it is not advisable to keep making Junior travel to the clinic every now and then.
He continued saying that he understands my worry and concerns about Junior’s health and asked me to open my ears wide and listen to the advice he was going to give next.
“Only worry when an old dog suddenly looses weight”.
Yes, there are many other illnesses an old dog can have, but his basic advice was, if your dog is relatively ok, then don’t bother about little changes in your dog. Only worry when the dog has suddenly lost 4-5 kgs or more weight in a month. That’s the major sign vets see in old dogs to know if the dog is seriously ill.
After listening to this, my worries actually disappeared. I have stopped bothering about Junior skipping a meal, or throwing up once a while, or not pooping the entire day, etc. These little things have always bothered me because I feel there is some underlying issue always.
Isn’t it funny, such basic advice yet I have been unaware of it for so long. Sometimes the answers are right in front of us and we keep looking for it all over the internet or ask friends for advice or just jump from one vet to another.
I hope this 1 single advice brings relief to your anxious minds like how it bought to mine. Put your dogs on right supplements and food, moderate exercise and lots of love. Their old age will be as comfortable as it can be.
Have you ever tried to reason out what your dog thinks about you? No right! Neither have I. But one day as I was trying to meditate, and Junior came and slept on my lap, a thought just came flashing into my mind – does my dog think I am toxic?
Ever since, I just laugh to myself thinking about the funny scenarios that pop-up into my mind, just like how we sometimes think about our romantic partners from time to time. Let me explain.
I have a fix routine which Junior is very well aware of. So, as soon as I wake up, I have a glass of warm water with lemon juice, and then go to the washroom. Till the time I am drinking my water, Junior is in the bed just staring at me. But the moment I go to the washroom, he follows me and I have to close the door behind him. So I just wondered, does he think I like pictures of other dogs while I am attending nature’s call? HAHAHAHAHA!
Every time I come home, Junior is super excited and smells me from top to bottom, and then gets back to what he was doing. Most of the time, go back to his spot and give me dead stares. So one day when I came home and Junior did the usual stuff and walked away, I pondered on the thought; does he think I met another dog behind his back? LOL!
Just as I had mentioned before, I was meditating. I was already 10 minutes through when Junior decided to hop on my lap. And after a few seconds I laughed, because I thought that Junior must have taken 10 minutes to sleep on my lap because he must be thinking that I am probably indulged in another dog’s thoughts and he should remind me that he is the only one for me. ROFL!
One time, I had taken Junior to a dog’s party at a restaurant. In the beginning he was so happy and hearty, running around, eating treats, meeting new people and other dogs, etc. After a few minutes, I started petting another dog. Junior got so jealous and started barking at me. Now I know this is a natural trait of dogs to get jealous, I turned it into a funny thought. Does my dog think I am cheating on him with another dog? HEHEHEHE!
Erstwhile, I had a friend come over with his dog. I started playing with my friend’s dog, and happened to look at Junior. He had a big question mark on his face. Once again, I giggled thinking, does my dog think I am going to adopt this other dog and Junior will get less love? ROFLMAO!
Just like that, I have been thinking of funny stuff anytime I see Junior wondering what his Mumma is upto. You can be a toxic parent to your dog if you are aggressive to them, neglect them, don’t feed them proper meals, chain them all the time, don’t give them hygienic care, beat them, mishandle them just to get a friendly picture for Instagram to increase your followers, etc.
It is very important to make your pets feel at home and safe. What we see on social media is not always true. Many pets go through hell by their owners to get that perfect click. Let’s just be good humans, spread some joy and laughs, and be kind to everyone.
Homesick, because I no longer know where home is.
As I sit in the comfort of my house, a strange and inexplicable pang drains me that I had never felt before. Rainy days are most often known to contribute to depression, sadness and anxiety. A storm is brewing that provokes anxious feelings and making room for fear.
I am one of those lucky ones who always have people around to talk to and who understand. Above all, I have Junior by my side at all times.
But some days, I do not feel like talking to anyone. Even when I am at home, I sometimes feel like I am in some foreign land. There is no feeling quite as lonely as feeling homesick. Staring blankly at the wall, numbing myself because I am falling into the gray vortex of hopelessness!
It starts off with getting irritated on little things, then proceeds to anger, and eventually getting numb and anxious. As if the road ahead of me has disappeared and I don’t know where I stand anymore. It feels like someone hit me on the head and I lost my memory. Physically I am at home, but mentally, I am lost. I feel hopeless, sad, frustrated and tired. Moreover, dejected! I am trying to control my future which is not in my hands. A feeling of not doing and being enough.
I am not new to this feeling. I have felt like this a few times before. So I am not scared that I will dwell into this for too long. But I am homesick, not for a place, not for a person, just a feeling of fear of the future. I am homesick for a time that has not even arrived. I am homesick for a fantasy.
Thankfully, this feeling doesn’t last long. It is a combination of rainy days + evening + some continues bad days which I am completely aware of. And I also know this feeling won’t go away till tomorrow morning, when the sun is shining bright and I am in new spirits with a positive hope for the future.
So what am I going to do right now while I am feeling homesick? I am writing this post to feel a little light. In a way, I am journaling. I am will make myself a hot cup of Ginger Tea and then relax on the couch while Junior sleeps on my lap, simultaneously letting my thoughts flow and not force to stop them.
Even though this is one of the worse feelings, I remind myself that I am human and I am capable of feeling a lot of things. Till then, let me know even if you have a feeling of homesickness sometimes and how do you deal with it?