Change begins at the end of your comfort zone!

Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or adjusting to move to a new place, life is full of uncertainty. Navigating previously unexplored terrain is difficult, exhausting, and even scary. The worst feeling isn’t being lonely; it’s being forgotten by someone you know you will never completely forget. You never realise how lonely you are, until it’s the end of the day, and, you got a bunch of things to talk about, but no one to talk to! While Loneliness makes living difficult, from my experience I can say, nobody is really alone. Lonely, in its true sense, is not about being alone; it’s the feeling that no one cares, and trust me when I say this, there is always someone who cares! You will find company, if you really want to, and I found it in my dogs, Casper and Junior.

William Arthur Ward’s had said, “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”

In life, when things don’t work out, as humans, it is a very normal tendency for us to blame things on the other person. We, at times, even vent out to others about how bad our partner was or how he/she ill-treated us. While, the same is a matter of perspective, and ill treatment does not necessarily have any set parameters to it; as a thumb rule, any kind of a physical abuse is generally the tipping point for many. But who is to blame, when there is no physical abuse also, and two individuals are just drifting apart? During my separation stage, I got a lot of time to reflect on my entire relationship, and where we went wrong. To begin with, I realized I got married for the wrong reasons. I was probably a young, immature girl who got married out of the sheer excitement of the term marriage, while still living in the fairy-tale world that now, this is forever! Without realising, that my juvenile shoulders STILL didn’t have the strength to carry the responsibility of a steady, understanding and a patient relationship.  Sometimes, things don’t work out.  You can be with someone for years and believe that they are the one. But, in reality, it was built on the everlasting fear of loneliness and insecurity. Perhaps it wasn’t that you didn’t love them, but it was more just a relationship that was to teach you that not all things last forever, despite how much you want them to. And you cannot hold on to someone who wants to go. They let go of you, so you learn that, although you both once believed you were each other’s forever, or that you both still love each other – it’s time to go in separate ways.

In her novel ‘Frankenstein’, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley wrote, “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” I too never got a closure from my husband; we never sat and spoke to each other about our issues. We were already sailing in different boats and the separation was like a sudden blow of the wind to our ships which drifted apart so quickly that we could no longer even reach out to each other.  The biggest lesson I learnt was, in a relationship, when the communication starts to fade, everything else follows.

It’s funny how things don’t work out (and funny how they always do). In this testing time, in this time of doubt and fear, my only constant were my dogs. Those dogs, whom I had given up for adoption. Those dogs, who accidentally came into my life, only for me to later realise were God sent; to save me. And as I always say, “Everything happens for a reason”. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things come together. Now I had a responsibility as a single mom to look after my two dogs. My mindset had completely changed. I was a completely new person. Once an arrogant and rude girl, I had turned to a more docile and matured woman. The change was good. We all fear change, we all get so used to our comfort zone that we start believing that “this is life”. Or we accept our fate that “it is what it is.” But I will say this, “if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try”. As at the other side of fear, is freedom.

It wasn’t easy at all! With limited income, pressure from family to once again give up the dogs for adoption so that I could start my life afresh with a new partner, emotional blackmailing, suicidal thoughts, struggling to find a job, lonely and depressed; life was a living hell at that time. But I was determined; I was head strong, that no matter what, I will never ever give Casper and Junior up for adoption. For they taught me how to remain strong! They were the main reason where I had the guts to let go off my dead and stagnant marriage, and realise that change is messy in the beginning, chaotic in the middle, and beautiful in the end. I was fighting against all odds to keep them with me.

As time passed, everything started to sort out. My family stopped pressurising me to give them up, I found a good job and earnt a decent income to live a comfortable life. But that was just the beginning. It was just getting better day by day. If you are determined, and, have the courage, anything is possible. Just believe in yourself! I started getting confident in taking Casper and Junior out in public all by myself. Handling two Labrador Retrievers all alone by a petite girl was not a piece of cake. But I was gaining confidence. I got better at managing time and money. I got comfortable at living alone. Having Casper and Junior by my side, I didn’t need anyone else. Suddenly, life became a party. One day I woke up, and everything was fine; in fact, better than before. That day, I thanked my husband (legally we were still married) for leaving me. Because my alone time, and my dogs had turned me from a Caterpillar to a beautiful Butterfly. Not just mentally, but playing around with my dogs, their walks and exercise, the laughter I got from seeing them act funny, the feeling of living in paradise I got from seeing them sleep peacefully, made me physically attractive as well. I lost 20 kgs of weight. I was happy and at peace; I was glowing!

I wished I had come to terms sooner that my marriage was dead long time ago. I was holding on to nothing. My fear was actually holding me back. But it’s better to be late than never. If that time my husband didn’t have the courage to end it, we both would have been living a stagnant life, holding each other back with unknown fears, not realising that the end of a marriage doesn’t mean end of life. I was completely unaware of what my husband was up to; but that did not bother me at all. He would get in touch with me sometimes through text, just to know how Casper and Junior were doing. I was still not open to dating anyone new that time. I was just enjoying the time of my life with my dogs and my freedom. Had it not been for Casper and Junior, I would have gone back to live with my parents, and they would have got me married immediately to someone else after divorce. Me becoming the accidental dog mom was the biggest blessing of my life; and believe me when I say this, being separated and single isn’t exactly a taboo or the end of the world!

Today, as we are sitting in isolation, or let’s say, avoiding going to public places and interacting with people due to the Corona (COVID-19) Virus, Junior and me are having a ball of a time. His naughtiness still keeps me entertained. His walks and exercise still keep me mentally and physically active, and not even once lets me slip into depression. He is soon to be eight years old, but he is still like a one-year old puppy. Everyone around loves him a lot. And my parents who had once told me to give up my dogs for adoption, now cannot live a day without him. As Steve Maraboli put it, “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

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Always together, yet forever apart!

Lots of things can be fixed! Then, there are things that can’t be fixed! But, there are also things that should not be fixed – some relationships fall into this category.

In life we sail through a journey boarding a particular ship only to realize that our partner wants to board another one, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. It’s not only about what we want, it’s also about what the other person wants; and at some point, realization sinks in that holding on will only make the goodbye more painful. As such, you cannot make someone stay if they want to go. You can only love what you got while you got it.

“Dusk, is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?”
It’s said; if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were. I was so involved with Casper and Junior, that I overlooked what my husband was up to. My dogs had given me so much joy, that briefly I forgot about all the problems that existed between my husband and me. But turning a blind eye to them won’t make them vanish right! My husband looked calm and composed at all times. He fulfilled all his duties as a husband and a father to dogs with perfection. I always thought, everything is fine! We will get through this. What I failed to realize was, that there were floods of thoughts going on in my husband’s mind. Thoughts about leaving me and Junior…forever!

You must be wondering why I didn’t mention Casper’s name. Here’s why. One fateful night, when I was waiting for my husband to come home from work, the most frightful thing happened. Dinner was set on the table, I was dressed up to go for a movie with him post dinner. He came home, Casper and Junior were playing, he saw me sitting on the couch and it seemed like he couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he just screamed out the words, “I want a divorce, and come what may, Casper will always stay with me.” It was a sudden and violent blow on my heart. For some seconds I was in denial that did I hear it or was it a horrible dream!

Out of impulse, my only reply was, “Either Casper and Junior stay with me or both stay with you. I will not separate them at any cost.” I was ready to sacrifice my love, my motherhood for my dogs only so that they could stay together. At that moment, I didn’t even give a second thought about my forthcoming divorce. Because the only thing going on in my mind was to keep Casper and Junior together. End of the day, love is about sacrifices as well.  Ever since Junior came home, Casper and Junior had become inseparable. And what I had learnt with time was, dogs wait all their lives for the ones they love. If they were separated, they may even die of depression. I could live without my husband, I could survive without my dogs, but my dogs wouldn’t get through without each other.

I didn’t ask my husband to stay. Somewhere deep inside me I knew this was coming. But this suddenly, that wasn’t likely. My family got involved and tried a lot to convince my husband to stay. But he was determined and, when he didn’t budge, my family offered my husband to take both the dogs with him and not just one. In all these meetings to save the marriage, I was always quiet. I still loved my husband a lot, but I knew nothing would change his mind. So my only goal was, to keep my dogs together, either with me or him. I assume my husband saw this sadness in my eyes and, the unbelievable happened. One day, in between all these silent nights and days, the fear of thinking that any day would be the last day for me to stay with Casper and Junior; my husband came to me and told me, ”I will not separate them. And you cannot live alone. You keep them, take care of them. I will visit them whenever you allow me to. They will protect you and also won’t let you fall into loneliness.”

Here I was, devastated but also happy. For the first time I realised how much I loved my husband and how much even he too loved me. But we were just not meant to be together. We had self-sabotaged what we had. We didn’t do it right and we were too late to make things work. My relationship may be “Breaking Up,” but I won’t be “Breaking Down.” If anything, my husband was correcting a mistake that was hurting four people, you and the person you are with, not to mention the two people who you were destined to meet. My future was uncertain, but I knew my husband had someone else in his life. But I was happy, as I got my babies back…together!

We separated. Both of us moved out, but to two different places. We sold our house. A place where there were so many beautiful memories. I opted to live alone with my dogs and not with my parents as I needed healing. Away from everyone and just in my own little world to find myself again. To come to terms with what had happened and plan my future. Little did I know, my battle wasn’t over!

Life was never the same. But today when I am sitting on my comfortable chair and typing this, I know it was the best decision my husband took. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, and, as days passed, the mystery started to unfold; the answers to my questions started opening up. I became the accidental dog mom, but that accident was the finest accident of my life. Keep following and reading my blog to know more about how many more troubles I came across and how I achieved victory over the problems in my life. And the biggest role to help me through was played by my dogs!

A little piece of advice: when you bring home a pet, it becomes a family member. It is not a toy or an object that when you are bored, you throw it away. When we decide to welcome a new furry member to our family, it is up to us to provide them with the lifelong care they require. Make sure you are ready to commit and ask yourself what your situation will be in five, ten and twenty years before welcoming a new pet. Whether you are getting married, or leaving the country or state, or having a baby, under any circumstances, never abandon your pet or give them up for adoption. The impact is huge on them. Just because they don’t speak, doesn’t mean they have no feelings. Bringing home a pet means a commitment for life time. Little lives they have. All they ask for is love. Don’t let them live in trauma, heartbreak and a shattered sense of trust. As Elizabeth Eiler has rightly said, “Dogs don’t make judgments about physical appearance or abilities, and they don’t care how big your house is or what you do for a living. They care about the quality of your character and your capacity to love.”

Two are better than one!

Over the years, if there is one thing I have learnt, it is to try something different, even if you don’t think it will work. Trust that little voice in your head that says, “Wouldn’t it be great if…” and then do it. You will be surprised as to what you can achieve with this little thinking. You will never be happy if you hold on to things that make you sad.

In spite of having Casper and comprehending that things will turn out for the better between my husband and me, it once again went stagnant. To be honest they never really had improved and it was only figments of my imagination hoping for them to get better.  We had reached our comfort zone. We were in that phase where there was no drama, nothing good or bad happening and we got used to it. During that time, we got Casper mated and soon he became a father to a litter of 8 puppies. I was elated; never had I imagined that I would ever be so happy over a dog being a father to 8 puppies. Around the same time, we received a call from a relative that he wanted to adopt one of the puppies. So, we bought one of them home, got him vaccinated and cleaned, and he was all ready to be adopted into his new home. Unfortunately, the relative never came over to take him, and upon inquiring, we were informed that he had changed his mind and didn’t want the puppy for now!

We had ended up in quite a predicament and were clueless on what to do. We already had Casper, we were struggling with our marriage, my husband was frequently travelling between Mumbai and Dubai, and, I singly did not have the dexterity to handle two dogs. We had no choice, but to put him for adoption. The puppy was adopted three times, but, lamentably, was returned back to us every time for various reasons.

Call it destiny or whatever it may be, but after the 3^rd time the puppy was returned back to us, I decided to adopt him myself and keep him with me permanently. My husband was completely unsupportive of this thought. But I was rigid and had made up my mind; for I couldn’t see the puppy being adopted and returned for lame reasons all the time. After all, he was a living creature with a heart and not an item which one can simply return if they don’t like it! Junior entered my life accidentally. Yes, I named him Junior; after all, he was my Casper’s son!  My husband had made it crystal clear to me that he had nothing to do with Junior and would play no role in bringing him up. I had absolutely no idea as to how I would bring up Junior alone along with Casper! But a little voice inside me told me, “Do it”.

Sometimes, destiny leaves a door a little open and you walk right through it. But, sometimes, it locks the door and you have to find the key, or pick the lock, or knock the damn thing down. And sometimes, it doesn’t even show you the door, and you have to build it yourself. But if you keep waiting for the doors to be opened for you… I think you’ll have a hard time finding a single happiness, let alone that double portion.

Today, when I sit back, and think, keeping Junior was one of the best decisions of my life. Everyone needs a friend or a partner in crime. I had a father and son duo. “We all have flaws, no matter how hard we try to tame sometimes still eludes us. If you give me your flaw, I’ll handle it flawlessly, and I give mine, you’d do the same. That’s when two is better than one; else, we’ll have two aggravated untamed flaws.” Both Casper and Junior were my babies. I became The Accidental Dog Mom, twice!

With Casper and Junior, everything doubled. Double the trouble, double energy required in running around, double the efforts in training them, double the expense, but also; double the joy, double the love, double the affection and care, double the happiness. What also doubled was the knowledge of how to handle and look after two dogs under one roof. Having said that, I would like to share a few tips with my dear readers of how to handle two dogs, and why two is better than one:

• It is recommended to neuter the dogs. It calms them down which makes it easier to handle them. The negative side to this is, they start putting on weight. But with proper exercise and nutrition, weight can be easily managed

• Both the dogs play with each other, burn their energy, get tired and go off to sleep. This gives pet parents more time to themselves and their personal work

• It is easier to manage them in public as they both are stuck to each other and don’t get hyper when they socialise with other dogs

• If one dog is scared of something, then the other one is there to comfort him. Like Caspu was super scared of crackers, and Junior would always be by his side to snuggle him

Of course there are pros and cons to everything. But, trust me when I say this, at the end of the day, it is worth it. Casper and Junior were polls apart. Casper being the calm and composed one, on the other hand, Junior was a handful. But, if you follow the Vet’s and Trainer’s instructions properly, and not to forget to give them a lot of love and devotion; you will become a pro.

Today, I once again can see the difference between having two dogs and one dog. I have to devote a lot of my time for Junior. Specially to play with him, burn his energy and socialise him. He is well trained, but being a Dog Mom, I feel extremely guilty of leaving him home alone while I go for work. Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day!

Limitations are self-imposed!

You know what’s the worse feeling in the world? The worse feeling in the world is when you are with someone, but, you still feel alone! You feel you don’t belong anywhere. Sleeping right next to the person you love every night but those few inches in realty are more than a million miles. The life, the home, and, the family you had made, were falling apart like a crushed dream. Have you ever had that feeling where deep down inside you know this marriage is not going to make it through, but, you aimlessly wait for a miracle? You wish, pray, to the extent desperately hope, for your partner to change. You have endless conversations and efforts only to realize that everything is fine for 2 months and then you are back to the same old situation. I have realized It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So, the best thing to do is keep the wonderful memories, and move on!

Casper coming back into our lives was a big ray of hope; as for once, me and my husband both wanted something together and would spend time together discussing him. I am sure all of you are probably baffled by the idea that how can a girl who is petrified of dogs, not only decide to adopt and raise him, but eventually turns out to be a dog mom. Honestly speaking, I am perplexed myself till date about how the events of life have unfolded and carved me into what I am today.   

Whenever we got Casper home, my husband would go for his work for couple of hours and then come back and work from home. In those 2 or 3 hours, when I was home alone with Casper, I used to be terrified and keep Casper confined inside his crate. Then one day, my husband got annoyed and gave me an ultimatum that either I work on removing my fear of dogs or he would have no choice but to give Casper up. I was super happy not touching Casper and only seeing his little paws dance around the house, but giving him away was not an option I could accept. So, with great courage, and a task which was no less than bravery on a battlefield for me, one day, when my husband went to work, I sat down in the centre of the living room and told my maid to remove Casper from the crate and leave him free. Casper came running towards me and started licking and biting me with his small teeth. For the Initial few minutes I literally froze to death; almost like I was a helpless goat in a field, faced with a tiger and inevitable defeat. But after the initial few excruciating moments, slowly my fear started to evaporate from my body. All I could feel was love and the feel of a tiny gentle soul trying his best to get all the attention from me that he could.  For the first time in days I took Casper in my hands and hugged him and there was no feeling in this world better than this. Things were fantastic for quite some time. He bought us a lot of joy and happiness. From a breaking down marriage, to looking forward in anticipation for a better tomorrow; that’s the magic Casper had done. Even though we only saw him every 3 months, whenever we did, our joy had no limits. Each time when we would meet him, we would be surprised to see his growth from a little puppy to a big dog. We would regularly be sent his pictures and videos from the boarding lodging and that would bring a big smile on our faces. We were pleased that he was in good hands in our absence and was taken good care of.

Whenever we would come down to Mumbai, we would take Casper on short trips, buy him a lot of toys, pamper him, and, also got him trained. As I have mentioned before, I took up further studies and had to come down to Mumbai for my final exams. During that time, we had sent Casper to a summer camp out of Mumbai and had plans to pick him up once my exams were over. But, before my last exam, I had a break of 8 days, and, so, we decided to have a surprise visit to the place where Casper was. Typically, Casper would enthusiastically come running to us as soon as he would see us. But this time something wasn’t right. When we reached there, Casper didn’t move and lay still on the ground. We immediately understood that something was wrong and without wasting a single minute, my husband literally picked him up, put him in the car and drove back straight to the vet’s clinic. Our fears were confirmed and Casper was not only diagnosed with tick fever but also was in a critical state. The vet immediately started his treatment and upon asking, he informed us that chances of his survival were bleak. My world came crashing down. This was the first time in months that I realised that I wasn’t a dog owner, I was a dog MOM. My child was fighting a battle with the Grim Reaper and I wanted nothing else but for him to live.

Day and night, we were at the vet’s clinic doing everything we could; I was cursing myself every minute to have sent him to the summer camp. After 5 days of treatment, Casper finally showed some positive results. The vet told us he would make it and I was overjoyed and mirthful that my baby was going to live. In all this chaos, I didn’t get the time to study for my final exam and I decided to mark absent for it and attempt it next year. But my mother told me, “If you don’t appear for your test, you will as it is be marked as failed. Why don’t you read your books and give your exams. At least you will be satisfied that you gave your best instead of not going at all.” I took her advice, stayed up all night to study while my husband bought Casper home and was looking after him. I appeared for my exam and when the results were declared, I had PASSED.  Guess chaos is only a matter of perspective; what is chaos to a fly is normal for a spider. Giving up at the first instance of seeing a difficultly in life will surely ease that particular situation; but we won’t know what possibilities could lie ahead only if we try a little harder then. It is always better to try, give it a shot, rather give it our best shot, and then accept whatever happens, rather than not try at all and then sit and think a few years later what if we had only tired. The possibilities are ambiguous, but at least we know within us that we tried!

Within months, I had seen life, death, failure and success. My mother taught me a very good lesson which till date I remember and follow whenever I have to. No matter what, get up, dress up, and show up. This has become a motto for life. Seeing Casper near death and back to life gave me a new life. Basically, a new and stronger perspective to life. He taught me to face my fears. He showed me that anything can happen in life, good or bad and we have to be prepared for everything. He taught me how to have fun and laugh for no reason. He made me a responsible human being. Above all, he made me a Mom. Yes! I am a proud Mom and my kids have four legs and fur. As I write this, my eyes glow seeing Junior sitting next to me and once again makes me realise, I am so lucky to have this baby in my life. Casper taught me life, and Junior is the reason that I am living my life. And I always thank God, for blessing me with such beautiful babies.

Petrified! Tranquilized!! Casper-fied!!!

I was once asked, “Why do you want to get married?” And, the naïve me promptly answered, “When you are married, it is difficult to end a marriage after a fight. But when you are dating, you are not sure if you will patch up, as you are not legally bound to.” It was a very impromptu answer, and I guess, I today know, I was so wrong. As life progresses, I finally learned, and understood, that like many others (possibly), I got married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a union of two people who come together because they trust each other, to know your partner at a deeper level, to want the same things, to even fight fair, to have an endless sleepover with your favourite person, etc. It’s not just the paper work that solidifies your love for each other, but marrying the right person should make you feel more secure. You feel and act like a team by which your lives are calm and certain. But I reiterate, I definitely married for the absolute wrong reason.

Relocating to Dubai, I assumed my life would be wonderful. Living independently, without in laws, or for the matter of fact any relatives, I thought “Wow! What fun; I can do whatever I want!” While that was true to some extent, what I had not imagined, or realized, was the same freedom also gave my husband the license to do whatever he wanted too. Within the first year of our marriage, we had already started falling apart. For me, my husband had become my entire world; there was not a single moment that I would leave him alone. I had also started working in his company and we were practically together all the time. While I was delirious, I was oblivious to the fact that he on the other hand had started feeling suffocated. I guess things majorly started going wrong because we didn’t communicate our issues with each other. Like any other girl, I had left my family and friends back, got married to the love of my life and shifted to a foreign country. I had thought, he is my best friend, he is my family, and he is my life. I was wrong and the distance between us only kept increasing.

I was dejected, and, to divert my mind, I took up further education. I indulged myself in my books, and while I was trying to not only educate myself but also save the marriage, my husband saw this as an opportunity to continue with his own life. While things looked great from the outside, from within, on some level, both of us knew long back, that we were not meant to be with each other. In all this chaos, we came down to Mumbai for a family function. My sister mentioned that she wanted to gift a puppy to her son on his birthday and gave the responsibility to my husband. My husband was more than excited as he was an insane dog lover. Two days before my nephew’s birthday, my husband came home with a very cute puppy.  As mentioned earlier I was petrified of dogs; even the mention of the word Dog would literally fossilize me. The tiny puppy was in my home and I didn’t even touch him. We took him to the vet, got him vaccinated, and gave him a bath, all ready to be gifted. The two days the puppy was in my house, he would run around, play, eat and snooze most of the time. When the day came to gift him, my husband had already become emotional, and I on the other hand, was waiting for him to go away from my house. We reached my sister’s house and surprised her son with the puppy. He was ecstatic. And finally, the puppy had a name – Casper. When we left the party and sat in the car, that moment hit me like a bolt of lightning. I started crying as I realised, I had got attached to Casper. Those two days that he was at my house, even though I was panic stricken, I had fallen in love with him. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything about it!

We were in Mumbai for a month and we got busy in our lives. But there was not even a single moment that I wouldn’t think about Casper. Then one day, my sister called and informed my husband to take Casper back as she was not able to manage the kids and dog, and was doing injustice to him. It was unbelievable. My eyes glowed from joy and my heart was beating faster than a humming birds wings. But it wasn’t that simple. We were residents of Dubai and had to go back. We couldn’t take Casper along with us; UAE isn’t exactly a dog friendly country. Although we had been contemplating moving back to Mumbai for a while, doing that immediately there and then wasn’t an option. My husband and I had a discussion about this and we decided to get Casper home, keep him in boarding lodging, and visit him every 3 months, till we could figure out our future address. Clearly, both of us were not ready to let him go and we bought him home. Our joy had no limits; especially because after months of fighting and differences of opinions, this was the first time that my husband and I agreed to something together and shared our joy.

Life is so unpredictable. When you feel it is the end of the road, you suddenly see a way. Today, as I look back at the last 10 years of my life, I see and believe that ‘Happily Single’ is recognizing that you don’t need or want to be rescued from your life by a handsome prince because your life is pretty awesome, as is! Bing Single is NOT a taboo – There is no need to rush. If something meant to be, it’ll happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Being single does not have anything to do with your past, IF you’re single, focus on being a better you instead of looking for someone better than your ex. A better you will attract a better next!

There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them. Over the past few years, I learnt this that never stress about anything. Because whatever you over think and stress about, usually not even 10% of it happens. It’s said that there are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality. And, if, when, something does go wrong, you automatically get the strength to face it. Let me not deny the fact that after I got Casper and Junior, my life has been wonderful. In more ways than one, my fur babies have saved my life and turned me into a wonderful human being I am today. Even today, as I have passed through a terrifying phase of my life, Junior still inspires me every day. There is a saying, be like a dog. If you can’t have it or play with it, pee on it, throw some dust and move on. As I am excited for another positive coming up in my life in a few weeks, Junior is doing the best that he does, eat, play, sleep, repeat. And you know what; I would not want to change anything of it. I fall in love with him every single day over and over again.

Happily Married?

Fairy Tales always have a happy ending. However, that really depends on whether you are Rumpelstiltskin or the Queen.

In the modern age Fairy Tale ‘Princess Ben’ by ‘Catherine Gilbert Murdock’, she has rightly mentioned that every fairy tale, it seems, concludes with the bland phrase “happily ever after.” Yet every couple I have ever known would agree that nothing about marriage is forever happy. There are moments of bliss, to be sure, and lengthy spans of satisfied companionship. Yet these come at no small effort, and the girl who reads such fiction dreaming her troubles will end ere she departs the altar is well advised to seek at once a rational woman to set her straight.

After my boyfriend’s mother’s outright, and, not go forget unreasonable rejection for me, and our union, me and him started fighting more and more every single day. To a point where we had almost given up on each other and had started preparing ourselves to move on in life. But one day, when we were almost sure everything was over, a miracle happened. After months of grief, heartache and hopelessness, I heard the phone ring flashing the number of castles in air. It was my boyfriend’s mother. She had accepted me and our relationship and wanted to meet me and my parents. I was elated. Suddenly, I was the most jubilant girl on Earth. What made her change her mind is something I didn’t know or cared for; all that mattered was things were finally moving ahead the way we wanted them to.

Our parents met, and, in no time, we got engaged. Promptly, our preparations for the wedding started. We were fired up with the process and wanted everything perfect. The surest way to make your dreams come true is to live them. The excitement was beyond the description of words. It is always a glorious feeling. We were leaving no stones unturned for the big day. As a young girl, I had fancied for this day for a long time. And the day came. I was dressed as a princess, an Indian princess who walked down the aisle. And my prince charming was standing in front of me. In front of the Agni (the God of Fire) we took our vows to never leave each other and love each other in thick and thin, through the good and bad days, in sickness and in health. We were married!!

Promptly, we started our documentation to shift to Dubai from Mumbai to take care of his business. Amid all the paperwork, cultural and religious formalities post marriage; we went to Karjat to enjoy a weekend at his farmhouse. That’s where I met his two dogs Captain (Labrador) and Rocky (Doberman). As I had mentioned before, I was petrified of dogs. When they approached me, I ran and sat in the car out of fear till they were out of my sight. I behaved as if someone had left Lions in the open. My husband couldn’t control his laughter while I was sulking in the car. I spent the weekend in jitters and panic thinking the dogs will come and pounce on me. My husband tried a lot to talk me into about how good and adorable dogs are, but I was nowhere near convinced.

Soon after, we shifted to Dubai. As our life continued to flourish in a foreign country, trying to adapt to the new surroundings and environment; it was not all that euphoric as I had thought of. I realised, dating and marriage are two totally different worlds. Soon, Reality struck me!  My story has no beginning or an end. These are the moments of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead. And unknowingly, whether in pain or happiness, I always moved ahead which I realised today. In joy, it was euphoria. In sadness, it was a learning lesson. Never give up. Miracles can happen even at the last moment!

Within all my life’s chaos, choosing to write this blog was the best decision of my life. It is not only a way for me to share a major and most important part of my life, but also to contribute my share of knowledge about dogs. From being a girl who was petrified of dogs, to be the mother of 2 wonderful dogs, I have gone through the learning curve and learnt so much about these wonderful creatures. If I can share this knowledge with other dog lovers and maybe help even 1 person with their pets, then I would consider the purpose of this blog fulfilled. There is not even a single boring day in one’s life if you have a dog. You are sad; he comes and cuddles with you. You are crying; he comes and licks your tears. You are bored; he is always ready to play. You are sick; he will give you the best comfort. You are happy; he is always ready to dance with you. He is a doctor, a teacher, a protector, but most importantly; the most loyal friend!

Every Thursday I update you all with my past and present life. Today, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sapna and I am from Mumbai (India). I am a Lawyer by profession. I love to paint and cook which are my stressbusters. I am also a single dog mom who works out regularly and a yearning Pizza lover. I know I know; Pizza and exercising does not go hand in hand. But I have my cheat days. I have been asked why the “Accidental” Dog Mom. Well, let me reveal that in my next few posts. As we always say, you never know what tomorrow has in package for you. Keep reading and I hope you enjoy my posts.

Merry to Teary

Somewhere around pubescence, we have all seen dreams of falling in love and getting married to the love of our life – for girls it’s the reverie of a prince charming who will come on a white horse in his shining armour, grab her hand and ride off to a fairy tale land; Or the illusion and desire that at midnight you would lose a shoe destined to fall into the hands off a prince who would come looking for his lady love and once the shoe fits and you and him would live happily ever after. But reality is far from our delusions. Within seconds, all your dreams can get shattered. It is said that after adolescence, if one’s life is sufficiently interesting, the desire to tell oneself stories diminishes. This exactly is what happens in the real world!  

My prayers were answered. My feelings were reciprocated. We were captivated in love. Assuming nothing could go wrong, as we both buzzed from wealthy families, running the same business line, not having much of an age difference and of the same caste; we notified our families about our bond and plans to get married. My parents happily accepted my choices and wishes, but, unfortunately, and to my utter astonishment, his mother rejected me without even meeting me once.

As I mentioned before, sustaining love is not easy. Because of his mother’s headstrong disapproval, we began to quarrel and started to fall apart. I thought to myself, was our love so fragile that we couldn’t fight for it and instead started fighting with each other! It was a situation where it was him vs me, and not we vs the problem. Within months, we were from madly in love, to planning our happily ever after, to not tolerating to even see each other’s face.

Nothing helps a broken heart; not even a hot bath or a good night’s sleep. That was just the beginning of my whimsical to bottom out life which hit me like waves in the coming years. But one thing I learnt from this – You may be down in the dumps now, but take solace, in the fact that you’re definitely not the first one to have your heart broken in this world.

While my story continues with its ups and downs; a rollercoaster ride with a lot of thrill but also an unknown fear, my today is all together different than what it was more than a decade ago. This blog is not only a way for me to express my life in the simplest form as I can, but also to reach out to everyone and anyone who feels or believes all is lost. Believe me, nothing is lost. You are not alone. Hang in there and one day, you will see the sunshine. The prayers that were not answered were God’s way of protecting you and providing you with something better. Everything happens for a reason.

As I am writing this, Junior is fast asleep on the couch after jumping around all day. Once I am done for the day, I will hit the bed with Junior all cuddled up with me. Every single day I look forward to this. The warmth of his body, his soft fur and his loud snores. It feels like heaven. Nothing describes love in its purest form than a dog cuddled up with you. Oh well! He does occupy ¾th of the bed leaving little to almost no room for me to sleep. Not to forget the occasional toxic gas (just kidding) he passes sometimes from all the food he enjoys daily which believe me, I sometimes believe, is the only purpose and goal of life. But jokes apart, and honestly, I cannot live without any of this. I love coming home to him. A home filled with unconditional love, wet kisses, a super wagging tail and sparkling eyes. Yes! Junior is my home. My safe haven and the apple of my eye. I had heard about it that home can be another person. I believe it now. The person does not necessarily have to be a human!

The Prelude of Illusions!

Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You must work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort and energy. We conclude that once we get the love of our life, it is going to last forever. This is where many of us go wrong, for happily ever after is usually only a figment of our imagination.

Year 2004, I was going to Sri Lanka for work. Little did I know that the trip would change my life forever. I was a Commerce Graduate, had just started her own business in the Travel Industry, and while most of my friends were struggling to find a decent job, or were getting married, I was not only euphoric, but also brandishing my overseas trip to every person I possibly could.  The business was out of passion, but of course predominantly because my father had the money to invest in my business. I was young, energetic, overconfident and snobbish, eager to swagger out to the world that I have started a travel business at such a young age.

I was introduced to a boy at the airport by my colleague, who was also travelling with us. My first impression of the boy was very mediocre. He was somewhat arrogant, a college graduate, and had recently joined his wealthy father’s well settled business. Work trips for him were just a way out to party all night and work was never really his primary agenda.

By the end of the trip we had exchanged phone numbers and little did we know that this was not the end. Soon, I started receiving forwards from him. Forwards turned to chatting, chatting turned to phone calls and phone calls turned to meeting. How did my impression for him change? I had slowly started to realize that I was moderately like him; a snob and an egoistic girl who had a rich father that provided the money and foundation to do something on my own. It didn’t take too long for me to realize that we were in fact mirroring each other. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them; and when you do start falling in love, all the negativity miraculously starts to vanish. You turn to overlook anything that you may possibly dislike about the other person and all you can see is the happy rainbow. All his traits I had initially disliked started to overwhelm me. All I knew was that I was falling in love with him and, I prayed that he felt the same as well. The only difference I had seen then was that this boy was a die-hard dog lover and I was petrified of dogs.

While the story of the past is for the future to tell, the today is as beautiful as it can possibly be.

I have had a great week as I fulfilled 2 major goals of my life. First being that I started this blog to share my experiences; this blog was my dream for many many many years and I am extremely content to finally get it kick started.  And second, I started something very close to my heart with someone. I know this second statement is extremely ambiguous, but the details will follow through soon enough.

My baby Junior is a little over 7 years old. His day begins and ends with me and only me, and I can say no differently about myself either. An extremely innocent soul, who is not only my lifeline, but has time and again, proven to be the one who holds me together. He knows me, he knows my moves, he knows the twinkle in my eyes, he knows the sadness in my soul and he can snap me out of any kind of bad mood that I am in faster than anything else in this world. Junior has taught me unconditional love, and believe me, once you have that in your life, things won’t really be too bad.  Dog is indeed God spelled backwards.  Me and my younger baby Junior have had a great week, as we not only enjoyed one of our mornings at the beach, but also a day out at a Doggie event held in the city, where he was showered with a lot of goodies.

Wishing all my readers a great day! Remember every day is a good day; There is always something to learn, care and celebrate!

Everything Happens For a Reason!

Does it ever seem like you have more adversity in your life than anyone else in this world? As if, everyone around you is having an easier time of things than you are? You begin to feel pitiable for yourself. The question, “Why does this stuff always only happen to ME?” constantly plays on your mind, and, you seem to believe that the entire world is conspiring, to not only be your enemy, but also to take away the last bit of happiness from your soul! Often, our life experiences can be so overwhelming that we become depressed by the burden of stress and anxiety.

Like ‘Henri Noumen’ has rightly said, “The real enemies of our life are the ‘ought’s’ and the ‘ifs.’ They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But, real life takes place in the here and now”. To all those who are wondering why I have created this blog; this is not just the story off me, but the story of how unpredictable, complex, and yet eventful life can be. The title of the blog is self-explanatory, and yes I am a ‘Dog Mom’ and my fashion philosophy (today) is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty!  But this was surely not the case a decade back.

It’s not easy to share one’s life experiences and yet make it interesting enough from anyone other than your own mother. Everyone has a unique perspective on life’s events. Everyone’s point of view differs as everyone has their own preconceived notions. But, Let me tell you this; I am just like one of you’ll and the story of my life and the events aren’t exactly too different from that of many others.

I lived in constant fear about things that will probably never happen. But this fear was derived from the events of my life which made me question and fear anything and everything no matter it is good or bad. Eventually, I have started to believe that fear is not only something that enjoys rent free space in your mind, but also, fear, many a times,  is meant to save us from further trouble which our subconscious mind invariably directs us towards when nothing in life seems to be going right. So, instead of worrying about what I cannot control, I have chosen to shift my energy to something that I can create. Sharing my story with the world is not going to be easy, sharing my views and my perspectives on life and its various events will be considered by some as rebellious. But, only after one steps outside their comfort zone, that they begin to change, grow, and transform!

I have learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Life is indeed a learning curve, and, as Buddha has said, as long as you feel pain, you are still alive. Things started to change almost 10 years ago. I was in the middle of a difficult time that was secretly a rebirth. The most unexpected series of events happened, which eventually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Just when you think everything is lost or falling apart, it may actually be falling into place. The story of me which I will share with you through my blogs.

“The real you is not you, the real you is what is within you. What is behind your joy or your melancholy. What gives you the reason to ponder. What moves or stops you. What makes you you is you.”
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah