Homesick

Homesick, because I no longer know where home is.

As I sit in the comfort of my house, a strange and inexplicable pang drains me that I had never felt before. Rainy days are most often known to contribute to depression, sadness and anxiety. A storm is brewing that provokes anxious feelings and making room for fear.

I am one of those lucky ones who always have people around to talk to and who understand. Above all, I have Junior by my side at all times.

But some days, I do not feel like talking to anyone. Even when I am at home, I sometimes feel like I am in some foreign land. There is no feeling quite as lonely as feeling homesick. Staring blankly at the wall, numbing myself because I am falling into the gray vortex of hopelessness!

It starts off with getting irritated on little things, then proceeds to anger, and eventually getting numb and anxious. As if the road ahead of me has disappeared and I don’t know where I stand anymore. It feels like someone hit me on the head and I lost my memory. Physically I am at home, but mentally, I am lost. I feel hopeless, sad, frustrated and tired. Moreover, dejected! I am trying to control my future which is not in my hands. A feeling of not doing and being enough.

I am not new to this feeling. I have felt like this a few times before. So I am not scared that I will dwell into this for too long. But I am homesick, not for a place, not for a person, just a feeling of fear of the future. I am homesick for a time that has not even arrived. I am homesick for a fantasy.

Thankfully, this feeling doesn’t last long. It is a combination of rainy days + evening + some continues bad days which I am completely aware of. And I also know this feeling won’t go away till tomorrow morning, when the sun is shining bright and I am in new spirits with a positive hope for the future.

So what am I going to do right now while I am feeling homesick? I am writing this post to feel a little light. In a way, I am journaling. I am will make myself a hot cup of Ginger Tea and then relax on the couch while Junior sleeps on my lap, simultaneously letting my thoughts flow and not force to stop them.

Even though this is one of the worse feelings, I remind myself that I am human and I am capable of feeling a lot of things. Till then, let me know even if you have a feeling of homesickness sometimes and how do you deal with it?

Reality Check

We all live in a myth that we all are the directors of our own life. The truth is, we are not. Life happens and we just adjust to the changes and keep moving. We come across many inspirational quotes about life every day, but how many of us actually understand them and follow through?

In the past two years, since the pandemic, many of us have had a harsh wake-up call and forced us to change our priorities, our way of living or thinking, our approach towards life in general. The more time passes, the more I realise that life is to be lived one day at a time. Sometimes, even thinking about the next 24 hours is too much, that time; live every moment. I have even perceived that happiness and fulfilment is in the little moments.

We are currently biting off more than what we can chew to embrace the new reality post Corona virus. For some, the worry, the sorrow, and the sadness associated with the death of their loved ones or feeling of isolation will last too long. For others, the impact this virus and isolation left on the mental health will linger even after all this is over. And for a few others, the realization of the importance of family turned out to be a blessing.

While there are a lot of motivational quotes, awareness and help available on the internet, there are many misguiding and wrongly provocative materials and articles also easily available. Unfortunately, many people feel that’s the reality and fall prey to it and regret later.

The virtual reality is starting to feel like real life. On a daily basis, on many social media sites I come across quotes like “you have to thrive, not survive”, “be the leader of your life”, “if you are not something, then you are nothing”, “hustle now, rest later”, “disappear for some years, and enjoy later”, “date only to marry”, “be a gangsta”, “the relationship broke because you deserve better”, “don’t give chance to others, be independent and spoil yourself”, etc.

I am not saying all the above quotes are completely wrong, but the meaning extracted from them by people these days is wrong.

Let’s get to reality:

  • You don’t always have to keep thriving; these days if you survived your day, you did a good job.
  • Our future is unpredictable. We all seen it in the past two years. Life happens, change is the only constant. Only control your thoughts, don’t try to control your life.
  • Others perspective of success is not necessarily your perspective of success. Same applies for having fun. Do what is suitable, convenient and comfortable for you.
  • Taking rest, having days off is extremely essential in today’s times. Don’t fall sick or drain yourself out in hustling all the time or showing the world how much you work.
  • Take accountability of your own bullshit. Sometimes, the relationship breaks because both the partners are not on the same page, or you were the toxic one, or your partner’s needs changed and opted out. Besides cheating and abuse, there is free will, and you and your partner are allowed to change your mind. No one owes you anything, and neither is your partner a bad person that you keep saying you deserve better.
  • You have no need to disappear to earn money and then enjoy or rest later. You can do everything simultaneously. Having fun, taking breaks, going on a vacation, or going out with friends and family, and most importantly, keeping in touch with your loved ones is very important for healthy living. You never know which moments become only memories or when you will see the person for the last time in your life. Make beautiful memories along with earning money.
  • Sometimes it is essential to ask for help. Everyone has the capacity to be independent, but asking for help is required sometimes.
  • No work is big or small. A man can choose a career in cooking and a woman can choose to be a carpenter. Do what you like, do what gives you peace.
  • Accept that you will die one day. Embrace it and don’t live life as per what internet tells you or shows you, or what you see others doing on their stories. Don’t compare and don’t judge a book by its cover. More than half of pictures and stories posted on the internet are fake.
  • Failure is necessary to grow. Failure and success are not opposites. They both are part of the whole.
  • Problems may be inevitable, but so is our approach towards it. If you can change anything, change it, if you cannot, leave it. It’s ok to quit sometimes.
  • Your energy is finite. Please use it wisely. Don’t let the artificial internet world be an energy vampire. Trust me. Majority of the stuff you see is bogus or fake.
  • Allow yourself to simply enjoy an experience with your partner. Be present. Not every person you date will be “the one”. If it’s meant to be, you will marry that person. Or else leave in dignity.

Waste time this year; go for long, rambling walks. Write poems or try a new recipe just because. Pray, paint, laugh at yourself or simply watch something on the TV. Take your dog to the beach or just sit by the shore and enjoy the winds and coffee. Our world is obsessed with being productivity all the time. We feel guilty of wasting our time even for an instance. But the reality is, our “unproductive” hours are the most soul-shaping parts of our lives. SLOW DOWN!

I cook, I eat, and I enjoy.

Dal and Potato Pancake
Spinach Noodles
Thread Paneer
Maggie Noodles and Ginger Tea
My Dad’s birthday celebration
Old age should look like this. When I paint 🎨
I am an annoying Mumma 😁
Oldies relaxing
He wants to have coffee 🤣

Celebrating One Year of Blogging!

I am so elated at this moment to celebrate my one year of Blogging; to say that I am cherry and merry just does not do enough justice to my feelings! I remember, for the longest time I wanted to start my own blog to share my life experiences, and, the importance of dogs in my life. But somehow, my actions were always blocked by an invisible anxiety. Had it not been for my friend & business partner, who learnt about my passion and encouraged me to act on it, I wouldn’t be having a toast of completing this wonderful one year of Blogging.

Today, as I am typing this, at one side I feel nothing has changed. But on the other hand, when I reflect on the past year, everything has changed; except for Junior and his unconditional love. Allow me share my experience of Blogging in the past year.

It started with, I was sitting in my partner’s office having a light hearted chat with him, where I mentioned about my dream to start a blog. He lent an ear and then opened his browser, booked a domain, made me a profile on WordPress and told me to get started. I was flabbergasted. But that maneuver gave me a push, and, finally made me work on my dream. Initially, I was scared as I didn’t know how to work on WordPress and honestly, I didn’t even know where to begin with or which topic to start off with first. Nevertheless, my friend helped me out in that as well.

Isn’t it staggering, this past year changed everyone’s lives! The pandemic ruined so many beings than built a living. Many breathed their last, numerous lost their jobs and houses, the depression rates are at all-time high. And now, all of us are limping back to normality. Whereas, for me, it was a good opportunity to build my blog and share my raw experiences with all of you. I also took a new turn in my career and started a new business. Junior fell seriously ill and recovered. I got divorced. I also relocated. Woah! So many escapades and yet, here I am; sitting with my cup of tea and Junior by my side. So many changes, yet somethings never change.

Blogging has helped me to share my piece of ups and downs without being judged and without any fear. I am so glad I got at it; or else my fear would have always kept me away from this wonderful experience to all intents and purposes of openly being who I am.

In true words, this is honestly a celebration as I have received a lot of feedback from friends and followers telling me how some of my posts have inspired them in their personal lives and how they look forward to read more every Thursday. Nothing better than being a tribute in uplifting someone’s soul, right!

Besides personal life, I also got a lot of insight about dogs wellbeing which time and again I anticipated in sharing here. It wasn’t that I always had something to write. There were days when I struggled with topics to share. Into the bargain, I have even been rebuked by my friend for not sharing much about dogs sometimes. Nonetheless, I always had a comeback in a way that, “I am a dog mom, I have a personal life as well. I can always share that side of my life. And for all that we know, Casper and Junior have always been my strong pillars.”

It has been overwhelming to read comments, appreciation and even criticism. All this only pushes me to be as authentic, and, raw as I am, and deliver useful content to help anyone out there. I have also shared my other hobbies of cooking and painting which too received a good response. Whereas that’s just a part of me, I will always want to be known as a proud Dog Mom.

I would like to thank each and every one of you for being a part of my journey, for encouraging me and for your continuous support. It gives me immense pleasure to share this gratitude with all you people and I am blessed to have a very supporting family and microscopic but profuse friend circle who have always been a brawny support system in my life. I will continue sharing rightful and veritable posts and your sustained assistance is highly appreciated. Thank You!!!