Tag: life

Happiness

Happiness can sometimes feel impossible, but it’s always within reach. Happiness isn’t something that just happens to you. But we create our own happiness. I spent most of my life believing that my happiness was in the hands of others, that if they were sad meant that I did not do enough. When in truth, I was doing far too much, it was just for the wrong people. In short, I was self-harming.

I also realized that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I often thought, I do not look good enough to attract a life partner, or I do not earn enough money, or I do not have the confidence, etc. Think about all the people you have secretly had a crush on. All the people you have found attractive, but never said anything to. Every stranger you’ve temporarily fallen in love with on public transportation. All the people you have dreamt of and thought of it in the early mornings. And now take a moment to realize that you have been this person for so many people….and you have no idea.

It’s a mindset that holds you back from succeeding and believing in yourself. Humility is a healthy character trait to have, but if it’s at your own expense, it’s no longer beneficial.

You are going to realize it one day – that happiness was never about your job or your degree or about being in a relationship. Happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you; it was never about being like others. One day you are going to see it – that happiness was about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always about being kinder to yourself; it was always about embracing the person you were becoming. One day, you will understand that happiness was always about learning how to live with yourself, that your happiness was never in the hands of others. IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! 

Many people realize that happiness is a choice and it’s up to them to intentionally choose it every single day on purpose. Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in other people or possessions. 

Oftentimes there are things beyond our control affecting our ability to “choose happiness.” And how we love and talk to ourselves when difficult (unhappy) times happen is a reflection of what we believe. During those times, maybe it is difficult to choose happiness, but then, choose patience and calm. You are given two choices at that time: either wait for the light at the end of the tunnel, or become the light to cross the tunnel.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be to love yourself whole even when you feel less than half.

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Not feeling good enough in a relationship

Inadequacy, worthlessness and inferiority are defined as a condition of not being enough or not being good enough. You had a traumatic past, or consistent bad partners, which makes you wonder why you are sad all the time. Low self esteem and unfair comparisons makes you feel unworthy. While everyone has these feelings, we have to remind ourselves that our mind is tricking us into thinking we are not good enough. 

In general, I don’t think we talk enough about the trauma of not feeling good enough. Never feeling like what we give is enough, because we constantly need to always give more to get effort. Never feeling like we are worthy, because we chase every chance at being wanted. 

We don’t often talk about the trauma in accepting someone into our lives who isn’t meant for us after they have shown us countless times that they are a piece of shit…..but we try to mold ourselves into what they need…..because that ounce of what felt like love they gave, was enough to cave. We don’t talk about the unhealthy yearning of being loved, that we would do anything to feel it, that we would let anyone in who feels comforting.

We don’t talk about how it starts with security and ends with uncertainty. We hold on to the toxic ones even though we know they are incapable of delivering, and in return we feel more damaged. We don’t talk about the fear of letting go because we inhale the fostering aroma of our gaslighting performer. We fear never feeling the mirage again that they handled with care. 

We don’t talk about the burnout and bareness of picking up the broken pieces, the fear of actually feeling something real again. We don’t talk about how the hopeless romantic can lose hope. We forget to talk about the parts we adapt in these cycles of our heart’s abuse and how we form these patterns where we start feeling like “not good enough”.

I want to feel love, that’s on me, but when they take advantage of my fragile heart, that’s when the tables turn. Accepting someone in my life when the signs have proven they are not for me, that’s on me, but when they use my love for them as a pawn, that’s where the line is drawn. 

We often blame someone else for all the pain we endure, but we forget to take accountability for our part in the heartache. It’s the illusion of what we manipulated ourselves to believe love to be….and how dangerous it became to be. Being disappointed feels so normal now. The new “normal” is being repeatedly disappointed. 

There is still a war going on within ourselves, but things have changed. We no longer try to destroy ourselves. We are on a rescue mission, aren’t we?

We are all just a bunch of weirdos trying to figure out what the fuck we want or what we are doing. We are all crazy and we are all struggling. The difference is, some of us are just honest about it, while others continue to destroy themselves and their partners.

And remember, you are SO not alone.

Aging isn’t lost youth

Embracing the journey of life, embracing aging. I have always been one of those people whose age is a bit of a mystery, but these past few weeks I feel like I am starting to look my age. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it has been only in the past two years that I started taking self-care seriously. Had I known earlier, I would have looked much younger than what I already look. 

So I am faced with a choice: age gracefully and quiet those noises in my head that feed my insecurities, or intervene in some subtle way to keep myself looking as young as possible for as long as possible. 

Back then, I thought aging meant looking old. So I started a skin care routine, tried to keep myself hydrated, took working out seriously, ate healthy, quit drinking, etc. While all these did give me physical benefits, I failed to realize that aging is actually a matter of mind more than the body. There are things that come with age. But the inner peace and clarity that comes with life experience also comes with age. Wisdom and confidence also comes with age.

While I wince sometimes when I see an unflattering photo of myself or catch a glimpse of myself in direct sunlight, I try to remind myself that there’s a unique and under-appreciated beauty that comes with age. 

Yes, the clock is ticking! It’s ticking for everyone. Aging is real. As real as birth and death. Aging gracefully normally refers to age or appearance – “She doesn’t look as old as she is”, “He is still active for his age”, and often comes with negative connotations. Perhaps it’s time to change our interpretation of the term.

Aging is about finding who your true friends really are. It’s about finding the difference between shiny and worth. It’s about the confidence to be yourself in any room. The time to dedicate to things that bring you joy. The wisdom to say no to the things that don’t. The freedom to choose your own path in life. The courage to be happy in your own skin. The knowledge that very little truly matters in the end. Not being scared of making mistakes, but the attitude to accept and rectify it.

Aging gracefully refers to whatever actions you may need to take to confidently thrive in your older years, and have a positive outlook towards the changes. Cherish the ones that stay, let go of those who choose to leave. Celebrate yourself at every stage of life, live a healthy lifestyle and stay fit to delay or avoid any diseases. 

Give yourself credit for all the difficulties you have overcome in life. Nurture your relationships. Stay active with your dogs to even keep them from developing any kind of illnesses. And most importantly, don’t forget that your mental health is also very important. Don’t be bogged down by the issues coming your way. A healthy mind is also a healthy body. 

Above all, aging isn’t lost on youth. But “positive aging allows us to weather the expected and unexpected changes we experience internally and externally, to age gracefully.”

It’s Not Magic

When we are asked to about the 3 magical words, we automatically think about “I Love You”. But there are another 3 magical words – It’s Not Magic. This applies for everything in life. Most importantly when you are getting an ill patient treated.  In short, it means to do the work and then be patient.

Let me give you an example of my dog. Earlier, when he used to fall sick, I would take him to the vet. The vet would treat him or prescribe some medicines, and I would expect results immediately. If my dog was not showing results, I would Google his symptoms and automatically assume the worse; followed by calling the vet and bombarding him with questions. That’s when one time; the vet told me “it’s not magic”.

This statement has been stuck into my mind ever since. I thoroughly understood what he was trying to say with these 3 words. From that day forward, I started applying these words even in other aspects of my life.

Don’t hurry. If you must, then hurry slowly. Nothing is magic. Everything takes time. Having patience means being able to wait calmly in the face of frustration or adversity or anxiety. Basically patience is essential in every part of life.

The moment the vet told me “it’s not magic”, I immediately slowed down. I had just got Junior treated. I had to be calm and keep my patience for the magic to actually work. Results take time, which I used to forget in the time of urgency. There are times when we have to take immediate decisions. But immediate decisions don’t mean immediate results.

Keeping calm and having patience also saves us from making wrong decisions or going over board when it’s not needed. As I mentioned, earlier I used to stupid. Imagining that the vet treated my dog, means he has to start being active immediately or illness has to be cured immediately, and if that did not happen, I would Google his symptoms, or sometimes even talk to people and ask for advice. Forgetting that they are not professionals and every dog is different resulting to different results and different forms of treatments. After all the chaos, I would put myself into deep anxiety and bombard the vet with questions and even ask him to do many other tests. Again, forgetting that he is an experienced professional, and if needed, he would advise me to get my dog tested further.

It’s not that the doctors do not make mistakes. They do. They are humans after all. But they are definitely far more experienced than us. And I am not even trying to saying that if we have a question or a doubt, then we shouldn’t address it. We definitely should. But then, once again, once we get the answers, we should be patient. Remember – it’s not magic.

Same way, when we start a new business or a new relationship, we cannot expect results from day 1. We should let it grow. Nourish it. Be patient. Do the hard and smart work. And then one day, our patience pays off. If everything was magic, then there would have been no meaning of life. Patience teaches us to even appreciate of what we have, how far we have come and eventually enjoy the results.

Each time now when my dog falls ill, I follow what the vet says and stay calm. No matter how long it takes to treat him, as far as my dog is getting better, I am patient. Most importantly, I have vowed to NEVER listen to idiots giving free unasked advice.

I also apply these magical words in my daily life. Even if I have fallen ill, or started a new side hustle, or have started a new relationship, I am patient. Just like “Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day”, the same way, nothing is magic.

What it’s like to have Dogs

I used to wonder what it would be like to have someone miss you while you took a dump…….hahaha! Well, I do not have to wonder anymore.

Once you get a dog into your life and house, then there is no turning back for another 10 years atleast. Having a dog is the most wonderfully frustrating, life-altering thing that can happen to you. You have a companion who literally worships the ground you walk on. In short, having a dog is WONDERFUL!

  • You will never eat your food alone. He/she will always be there staring at your mouth. Sometimes even grabbing it.
  • When you get back home, your dog will welcome you with his/her awesome dance and lots of lickies.
  • You will find dog hair everywhere. On your clothes, in your food plate, on your bed, even in your hair.
  • You will never feel lonely ever again. Dogs are the best companions.
  • You will never do anything alone. Your dog will follow you everywhere, in the kitchen, in the washroom, in the balcony, etc.
  • You will learn parenthood once you get a dog. They are just like small children who never grow up.
  • Most of the days, your dog will be the only reason you get out of bed. You have to feed them, take them for a walk, etc.
  • Your life will be centered on them.
  • You will start seeing the world through their eyes.
  • You will have the best days of your life, as well as some of the worst days.
  • You become more physically active than before.

While there are many many good things that come with dogs, let’s not forget, there are a few unfavourable things as well.

  • Dogs are money suckers. You have to spend on their food, medicals, well being, etc.
  • They are energy suckers as well. While they are puppies and young, they have a lot of energy. And it is our responsibility to burn their energy.
  • Whether you are ill or healthy, you have to cater to your dog at all times.
  • You are restricted to go out whenever you want. You have to adjust your outings as per your dog’s schedule.
  • But the worst, while they bring in a lot of happiness, when they leave, your heart is brutally wounded which NEVER heals.

Having a dog means having someone who loves you even if you are ugly. They don’t care whether you are rich or poor. They will happily eat what you feed them. They will wait for hours for you to return home and welcome you with the same excitement every single day. They make you feel special every single minute of the day. You are loaded with unconditional love and loyalty. Never will there be a better friend than a dog.

What it’s like having a dog? Dogs are there for you even when humans fail to be there for each other. You will have a bodyguard for life. They will protect you always. Dogs make you laugh, and even listen to you as if they understand everything you say. It’s incredible just how much support an animal can bring to your life. Dogs are love sponges. Having a dog means, 10 years of your life filled with happiness, some mess and lots of cuddles and kisses. Dogs make your house a home.