When I paint 🎨
Let that tail wag
I am the Accidental Dog Mom
Junior & Mumma Love Time
The Unspoken Words
The Unspoken Words between our dogs and us.
A pure bond where words are not required to communicate, but just eye contact is enough. The eyes are the windows to the soul – so so so true. It gives the opportunity to be completely present and available to whatever emotions are being conveyed.
Dogs understand both, the meaning of words, and the tone used to speak to them – to a point. Though they do not understand full sentences, but the words we used to train them is what they attach the meaning to it. For example, the word “sit” is followed by teaching them how to actually sit down with the help of treats. But let’s not get into logic here.
I am pointing out at the emotional and funny part. Let’s start with the emotional one. As I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, there was a time when I wanted to end my life. I was all prepared and just sat one last time on the bed reflecting on all the life’s troubles and crying my eyes out. Somehow Casper understood what I was going through and immediately jumped on me and started licking my tears. He saved my life. He understood his Mumma was going through a bad time and his sloppy kisses would solve the problem. Indeed, it did – without me saying a word.
Even when I am unwell, and do not have the energy to play with Junior and keep attending to his demands of feeding him out of time food, he somehow understands and never bothers me. Somewhere he knows that Mumma is unwell and he should let me rest and recover. On other days, he doesn’t leave me alone even for a second. The moment I sit with my Tea, he feels that “how is she relaxing? She has to be on my duty at all times”. And he would keep tapping his paws on me till I give in.
The funny part is; I talk to my dogs in 2 languages – Gujarati and English. And they understand both of them (not in the literal sense). When I am in public and talking to Junior, it amazes people that my dog understands what I am saying.
But these are words that I speak. However, dogs do understand the emotions and we understand theirs. The unspoken words where we know that our dog is unwell or something is wrong, or when they need extra care and love, and vice versa. The eyes and the emotions behind it don’t require words to be spoken. And this can happen only if the bond is strong and pure.
Are the eyes soft, loving, compassionate? Is there hardness, anger, unspoken yet felt? What about fear, or frustration? Seen in the eyes, it’s so tangible in the air as well. Be willing to look deeply into those eyes, and take this wonderful opportunity to hold this dog with whatever intensities are expressed. It is an amazingly intimate opportunity for deeper relationship.
You dance; your dog dances with you. You are sad; your dog offers you kisses. You are angry; you dog sits in the corner of the room waiting for you to calm down. You are happy; your dog joins in to share the happiness. Same way, your dog is unwell; you get anxious. Your dog doesn’t eat; you skip a meal. Your dog is enjoying the walk; you are also happy.
In all this, no words spoken; just understood. The funny thing is, when we tell guests or non-dog owners that “my dog is hunger, or needs to pee or poop, or my dog is just playing”, and look at you with shock in their eyes, as if “how do you know?” We just know J
We can understand the silence and the emotions screaming loudly behind those eyes. Our bond is special, and it requires no words. Our unspoken words SPEAK THE LOUDEST.
I Feel Like Escaping
I feel like escaping. I live in a prison of my own thoughts. Imaginary or true, I have lost the touch of reality. My thinking keeps me away from the warmth of home. Confused, discontent, sad, I don’t have the answers. Only questions keep lingering for long. Is it the search for a greener grass? Or doubting if the shine I possess is not for me? Is it just in my head? Or my worst fears will come true one day?
Some days I am caged by the past. I sit and wonder, if I had done this, then that wouldn’t have happened. If I get a chance to go back and start over, I would do it a different way. Had I taken better decisions, then I would be happy now. Or if I would have waited a little longer, then I would be in a different situation now.
Other days I am consumed by the future. As the night falls, so does my motivation to stay strong. Many nights I am at the brick of falling completely apart thinking about the future. The overwhelming fear of the unknown; the uncertainty just scares me off. The dreaded thoughts of living without your loved ones, or suddenly going broke, or doing something incredibly wrong. Forgetting that Anxiety is a story teller, I still let it consume me.
Most of the days, I am completely cut off from the present. Just living! No motivation, no goals, no aims, just half in the past and half in the future. Self sabotage is a blade, one which I possess carelessly, always cutting, but never bleeding me out.
Am I the only one? Or are there others feeling and thinking the same? Does consistent bad time really play with our brain? Do we really get stronger and learn something? Or we just get used to living in survival mode. Is it always fight or flight? Or has someone seen the sun shining bright after thunder storms?
The desire to escape is fueled by yearning to run away from the unpleasant circumstance and situation. My problem is over thinking and trying to control the outcome. It’s a burnout feeling. When I was young, my dreams were to own a house, have a car, a family of my own and lots of money. Later it reduced to have at-least enough income to buy anything without seeing the label. Gradually it reduced to being healthy and seeing your loved ones healthy and happy. And now it’s narrowed down to having a peaceful mind and staying happy in whatever I have.
Sometimes life feels so overwhelming and claustrophobic that we long to escape, leaving everything behind and start new. Most dissatisfaction of our lives is fixable, or atleast can be improved. We know all the answers, yet we have too many questions. The resistance to change and trying to control the outcome is what puts us in a negative thinking cage.
I know it all. Yet here I am, trying to escape, drying up all the hopes some days for a better future. Feeling on and off has left me tired. Anxiety is bad. It tricks your mind into thinking that nothing will ever go right. It makes you think the worse case scenarios. A persistent state of worry and displaying excessive amount of fear leaves you drained.
But am I the only one? Is it really a tough time for many whether or not dealing with anxiety/depression? I know escaping is not the solution. And it should not even be. There are a lot of little things to be happy about and content with. For me it’s Junior and my family. However, some days I just feel like escaping. Just for a little while, to come back all charged up and face the world again.