Aging isn’t lost youth

Embracing the journey of life, embracing aging. I have always been one of those people whose age is a bit of a mystery, but these past few weeks I feel like I am starting to look my age. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it has been only in the past two years that I started taking self-care seriously. Had I known earlier, I would have looked much younger than what I already look. 

So I am faced with a choice: age gracefully and quiet those noises in my head that feed my insecurities, or intervene in some subtle way to keep myself looking as young as possible for as long as possible. 

Back then, I thought aging meant looking old. So I started a skin care routine, tried to keep myself hydrated, took working out seriously, ate healthy, quit drinking, etc. While all these did give me physical benefits, I failed to realize that aging is actually a matter of mind more than the body. There are things that come with age. But the inner peace and clarity that comes with life experience also comes with age. Wisdom and confidence also comes with age.

While I wince sometimes when I see an unflattering photo of myself or catch a glimpse of myself in direct sunlight, I try to remind myself that there’s a unique and under-appreciated beauty that comes with age. 

Yes, the clock is ticking! It’s ticking for everyone. Aging is real. As real as birth and death. Aging gracefully normally refers to age or appearance – “She doesn’t look as old as she is”, “He is still active for his age”, and often comes with negative connotations. Perhaps it’s time to change our interpretation of the term.

Aging is about finding who your true friends really are. It’s about finding the difference between shiny and worth. It’s about the confidence to be yourself in any room. The time to dedicate to things that bring you joy. The wisdom to say no to the things that don’t. The freedom to choose your own path in life. The courage to be happy in your own skin. The knowledge that very little truly matters in the end. Not being scared of making mistakes, but the attitude to accept and rectify it.

Aging gracefully refers to whatever actions you may need to take to confidently thrive in your older years, and have a positive outlook towards the changes. Cherish the ones that stay, let go of those who choose to leave. Celebrate yourself at every stage of life, live a healthy lifestyle and stay fit to delay or avoid any diseases. 

Give yourself credit for all the difficulties you have overcome in life. Nurture your relationships. Stay active with your dogs to even keep them from developing any kind of illnesses. And most importantly, don’t forget that your mental health is also very important. Don’t be bogged down by the issues coming your way. A healthy mind is also a healthy body. 

Above all, aging isn’t lost on youth. But “positive aging allows us to weather the expected and unexpected changes we experience internally and externally, to age gracefully.”

Advertisement

Homesick

Homesick, because I no longer know where home is.

As I sit in the comfort of my house, a strange and inexplicable pang drains me that I had never felt before. Rainy days are most often known to contribute to depression, sadness and anxiety. A storm is brewing that provokes anxious feelings and making room for fear.

I am one of those lucky ones who always have people around to talk to and who understand. Above all, I have Junior by my side at all times.

But some days, I do not feel like talking to anyone. Even when I am at home, I sometimes feel like I am in some foreign land. There is no feeling quite as lonely as feeling homesick. Staring blankly at the wall, numbing myself because I am falling into the gray vortex of hopelessness!

It starts off with getting irritated on little things, then proceeds to anger, and eventually getting numb and anxious. As if the road ahead of me has disappeared and I don’t know where I stand anymore. It feels like someone hit me on the head and I lost my memory. Physically I am at home, but mentally, I am lost. I feel hopeless, sad, frustrated and tired. Moreover, dejected! I am trying to control my future which is not in my hands. A feeling of not doing and being enough.

I am not new to this feeling. I have felt like this a few times before. So I am not scared that I will dwell into this for too long. But I am homesick, not for a place, not for a person, just a feeling of fear of the future. I am homesick for a time that has not even arrived. I am homesick for a fantasy.

Thankfully, this feeling doesn’t last long. It is a combination of rainy days + evening + some continues bad days which I am completely aware of. And I also know this feeling won’t go away till tomorrow morning, when the sun is shining bright and I am in new spirits with a positive hope for the future.

So what am I going to do right now while I am feeling homesick? I am writing this post to feel a little light. In a way, I am journaling. I am will make myself a hot cup of Ginger Tea and then relax on the couch while Junior sleeps on my lap, simultaneously letting my thoughts flow and not force to stop them.

Even though this is one of the worse feelings, I remind myself that I am human and I am capable of feeling a lot of things. Till then, let me know even if you have a feeling of homesickness sometimes and how do you deal with it?

Reality Check

We all live in a myth that we all are the directors of our own life. The truth is, we are not. Life happens and we just adjust to the changes and keep moving. We come across many inspirational quotes about life every day, but how many of us actually understand them and follow through?

In the past two years, since the pandemic, many of us have had a harsh wake-up call and forced us to change our priorities, our way of living or thinking, our approach towards life in general. The more time passes, the more I realise that life is to be lived one day at a time. Sometimes, even thinking about the next 24 hours is too much, that time; live every moment. I have even perceived that happiness and fulfilment is in the little moments.

We are currently biting off more than what we can chew to embrace the new reality post Corona virus. For some, the worry, the sorrow, and the sadness associated with the death of their loved ones or feeling of isolation will last too long. For others, the impact this virus and isolation left on the mental health will linger even after all this is over. And for a few others, the realization of the importance of family turned out to be a blessing.

While there are a lot of motivational quotes, awareness and help available on the internet, there are many misguiding and wrongly provocative materials and articles also easily available. Unfortunately, many people feel that’s the reality and fall prey to it and regret later.

The virtual reality is starting to feel like real life. On a daily basis, on many social media sites I come across quotes like “you have to thrive, not survive”, “be the leader of your life”, “if you are not something, then you are nothing”, “hustle now, rest later”, “disappear for some years, and enjoy later”, “date only to marry”, “be a gangsta”, “the relationship broke because you deserve better”, “don’t give chance to others, be independent and spoil yourself”, etc.

I am not saying all the above quotes are completely wrong, but the meaning extracted from them by people these days is wrong.

Let’s get to reality:

• You don’t always have to keep thriving; these days if you survived your day, you did a good job.
• Our future is unpredictable. We all seen it in the past two years. Life happens, change is the only constant. Only control your thoughts, don’t try to control your life.
• Others perspective of success is not necessarily your perspective of success. Same applies for having fun. Do what is suitable, convenient and comfortable for you.
• Taking rest, having days off is extremely essential in today’s times. Don’t fall sick or drain yourself out in hustling all the time or showing the world how much you work.
• Take accountability of your own bullshit. Sometimes, the relationship breaks because both the partners are not on the same page, or you were the toxic one, or your partner’s needs changed and opted out. Besides cheating and abuse, there is free will, and you and your partner are allowed to change your mind. No one owes you anything, and neither is your partner a bad person that you keep saying you deserve better.
• You have no need to disappear to earn money and then enjoy or rest later. You can do everything simultaneously. Having fun, taking breaks, going on a vacation, or going out with friends and family, and most importantly, keeping in touch with your loved ones is very important for healthy living. You never know which moments become only memories or when you will see the person for the last time in your life. Make beautiful memories along with earning money.
• Sometimes it is essential to ask for help. Everyone has the capacity to be independent, but asking for help is required sometimes.
• No work is big or small. A man can choose a career in cooking and a woman can choose to be a carpenter. Do what you like, do what gives you peace.
• Accept that you will die one day. Embrace it and don’t live life as per what internet tells you or shows you, or what you see others doing on their stories. Don’t compare and don’t judge a book by its cover. More than half of pictures and stories posted on the internet are fake.
• Failure is necessary to grow. Failure and success are not opposites. They both are part of the whole.
• Problems may be inevitable, but so is our approach towards it. If you can change anything, change it, if you cannot, leave it. It’s ok to quit sometimes.
• Your energy is finite. Please use it wisely. Don’t let the artificial internet world be an energy vampire. Trust me. Majority of the stuff you see is bogus or fake.
• Allow yourself to simply enjoy an experience with your partner. Be present. Not every person you date will be “the one”. If it’s meant to be, you will marry that person. Or else leave in dignity.

Waste time this year; go for long, rambling walks. Write poems or try a new recipe just because. Pray, paint, laugh at yourself or simply watch something on the TV. Take your dog to the beach or just sit by the shore and enjoy the winds and coffee. Our world is obsessed with being productivity all the time. We feel guilty of wasting our time even for an instance. But the reality is, our “unproductive” hours are the most soul-shaping parts of our lives. SLOW DOWN!