Inadequacy, worthlessness and inferiority are defined as a condition of not being enough or not being good enough. You had a traumatic past, or consistent bad partners, which makes you wonder why you are sad all the time. Low self esteem and unfair comparisons makes you feel unworthy. While everyone has these feelings, we have to remind ourselves that our mind is tricking us into thinking we are not good enough.
In general, I don’t think we talk enough about the trauma of not feeling good enough. Never feeling like what we give is enough, because we constantly need to always give more to get effort. Never feeling like we are worthy, because we chase every chance at being wanted.
We don’t often talk about the trauma in accepting someone into our lives who isn’t meant for us after they have shown us countless times that they are a piece of shit…..but we try to mold ourselves into what they need…..because that ounce of what felt like love they gave, was enough to cave. We don’t talk about the unhealthy yearning of being loved, that we would do anything to feel it, that we would let anyone in who feels comforting.
We don’t talk about how it starts with security and ends with uncertainty. We hold on to the toxic ones even though we know they are incapable of delivering, and in return we feel more damaged. We don’t talk about the fear of letting go because we inhale the fostering aroma of our gaslighting performer. We fear never feeling the mirage again that they handled with care.
We don’t talk about the burnout and bareness of picking up the broken pieces, the fear of actually feeling something real again. We don’t talk about how the hopeless romantic can lose hope. We forget to talk about the parts we adapt in these cycles of our heart’s abuse and how we form these patterns where we start feeling like “not good enough”.
I want to feel love, that’s on me, but when they take advantage of my fragile heart, that’s when the tables turn. Accepting someone in my life when the signs have proven they are not for me, that’s on me, but when they use my love for them as a pawn, that’s where the line is drawn.
We often blame someone else for all the pain we endure, but we forget to take accountability for our part in the heartache. It’s the illusion of what we manipulated ourselves to believe love to be….and how dangerous it became to be. Being disappointed feels so normal now. The new “normal” is being repeatedly disappointed.
There is still a war going on within ourselves, but things have changed. We no longer try to destroy ourselves. We are on a rescue mission, aren’t we?
We are all just a bunch of weirdos trying to figure out what the fuck we want or what we are doing. We are all crazy and we are all struggling. The difference is, some of us are just honest about it, while others continue to destroy themselves and their partners.
It’s really OK to not be OK. Everyone has their own struggles, and it’s OK to struggle. There’s no shame in admitting that you need help, and it’s the first step to becoming OK. While it’s easy to let emotions cloud over our judgment, the challenge in life (and at being successful) is being able to control yourself. “Not only is it ok to not feel ‘ok,’ it is essential. It is essential to feel your emotions every now and then to understand which area of our life needs a change or needs to let go off.
I know this topic has been discussed a lot of times before, but today I am going to talk about my personal experience. The most important life lesson I have learnt from not being ok all the time is, “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”
Ever since my separation, my life has been a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes I am screaming out of joy and sometimes tears are flowing down my eyes out of loss or fears. Many a times I even questioned myself if my divorce was worth it, and most of the times I feel I am better off alone than being in a relationship where I had to question my self-worth every day.
But is life only about marriage, relationships or partners? Woefully, 90% of the times – YES! It is said, that it is very important to choose a good life partner as majority of your life revolves around them. Find the Yin in your Yang. Throw out the idea of perfect, as none of us are. But having a trustworthy partner by your side clears a lot of stumbling blocks.
Take me for example. I have everything I need. I have a source of income, a beautiful dog, a house, my parents and siblings, extended family and some friends who genuinely care, hobbies, beauty, and education. Looking at me, everyone feels I am a very lucky and a strong girl and lack nothing. Infact, many even advice me to stay single all my life as being with a partner will increase my responsibility and headache…..ha ha ha ha!
But the truth is; I am lonely. Not depressed, not sad, not suicidal, plain lonely. There are days when I cry my eyes out of fear. Fear of dying alone. Fear of not finding the right partner before I become too old, fear of not having kids as my body won’t be able to take it as I age, fear of keeping all the love within me that I have to share. I am not ok, and it’s ok.
Life cannot be spent alone and it is very important to have a trustworthy and genuine partner. Majority of the people regretted and confessed on their death bed of not spending enough time with their loved ones or cheating on their partners. Human bonds are made out of emotions and the emotion LOVE is supposed to create the strongest bond known to the mankind, love heals like no other medicine so if you feel unloved or unworthy due to someone’s comments or actions regarding you, let that toxic piece of shit go. No matter how much time it takes for you to be okay, take your time and value the presence of people in your life who are holding you altogether no matter how bad the situation is, just hold onto them and most importantly HOLD ONTO YOURSELVES and trust me YOU WILL BE OKAY and bursting with happiness again.
One of my cousins’, who is a Tarot Card Reader, was telling me that, majority of her clients, infact 99% of her clients have questions relating to only Love and Relationships. She said; everyone’s life is only revolving around boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. Infact, even their careers and money matters are directly/indirectly connected to their partners. No one is happy, but no one wants to change their own self. My cousin always advises her client and others in general to love yourself first, feel your emotions and “it’s ok to not be ok all the time.”
This is exactly what I practice. When I am not ok, I just be with myself and let my emotions flow. I don’t do anything to stop it. Sometimes it gets too overwhelming, so that time I ask for help, like I call someone up and talk to them or meet someone or exercise. Besides having everything I need and more, I am still not ok. Every so often I keep thinking about the past. Or fear of the future. On occasions I even dwell too deep in fear on a simple statement when someone asks me about my dog’s age and their average life span. I fear losing Junior. At times, I fear losing my parents as they are turning old. Earlier I was ready to get married to a guy who was living 1000s of miles away abroad. But now I refuse to even leave my city, forget even another state. This pandemic made us change our priorities.
You are allowed to change your mind, to take a break or leave a situation if you don’t feel comfortable, I am very much righty-ho to leave friends behind or people behind with whom I am not congenial anymore or that I have realized they were with me only for their benefits and convenience. I am not a people pleaser anymore and I don’t care how many years of friendship we had in the past.
Rough patch, a bad day, a major setback. Sometimes, it seems like one thing goes wrong after another. And another, and another. Sometimes an unexpected challenge or an obstacle might come my way, and I find myself stressing out, worrying and not knowing what to do. And, some days, I just have nothing – zero motivation, no creativity. All of a sudden, I am being plagued with self-doubt. And some days, I am on top of this world. An unexpected income, a surprise gift, a stagnant work kicks off or even a phone call from a long lost friend makes my day. But it’s ok. I am human after all, and without the downs, I would have never valued the ups and got the maturity I have today. I don’t know if things will ever go back to the way they used to be. What I do know is that admitting that I’m not doing too well, even to myself, wasn’t easy. But with time, as I mentioned above, I learnt to be ok with not being ok, and realized that removing time for me was not a selfish move.
We all should be allowed to fall apart sometimes, so that we can find ourselves again. What is not ok is staying there and making it your comfort zone. Once you are done feeling all your emotions, get up once again and try once again. Go out there, look good for yourself, work for yourself, exercise for yourself, and if again you feel like your emotions are taking over, let them.
Its okay to fully experience whatever it is you’re feeling. It’s okay to say that you’re not okay. And that means your feelings and emotions are valid, no matter what they are. Take the time you need to rest, recharge, and breathe. Take care of yourself the best way you know how. You know yourself better than anyone.
Let me make one thing clear before I elaborate on this topic – No! I do not encourage divorce. But I do encourage being single and enjoying yourself, self love, appreciating your space till you find the right partner.
Marriage is a sacred institution and divorce is taboo in Indian society. … The concept of “compromise in marriage” is gradually fading as women feel economically independent and liberated. Modern Indian men and women no more believe in marital compromise the way our past generations used to do. Divorce may still be a taboo, but sometimes letting go is the best option.
As per India Today, unsurprisingly, India has the lowest divorce rate, which goes as low as being less than one percent, this in a country which has the highest domestic violence and depression rate. In India, one out of every three married women, face domestic abuse, and, yet we have so many happy successful marriages. Are people really happy or have they forced themselves in wrong relationships just because of the stigma that comes attached with a divorce or the common norm “what will the society say!”
Is it really worth staying in a marriage which brings more of misery than peace and happiness, and the fear of society or break free and live the life you deserve?
I was married at the age of 23 to the love of my life. My family, friends and relatives were very happy and as per the traditional myth, everyone (including me) thought that the typical Indian marriage lasts forever, even when it’s irretrievably broken. For various reasons, things went downhill. We split up, which initially came as big shock to family and friends. People all around started giving me lectures and emotionally blackmailed me to “compromise” and get back to my ex-husband inspite of knowing the reason of separating which was beyond compromising.
I was mentally tortured by the society and even shamed by my own close relatives and friends. Some said, “I failed in marriage”, others said, “I broke my marriage” or “I will never get another man if I am divorced” or “divorced woman breaks others houses so keep your husband’s away from her”, etc. I never really bothered about all this because my parents supported my decision and stood by me through all this. Infact, even they were shamed because they stood by my decision. What did hurt was, only I was called out because I am a woman, and no one said a word to my ex-husband.
Eventually, I was legally divorced and now I have a title called “Divorcee” instead of “Single”. Not just this, even the legal system considers a divorced woman as an untouchable. The process of change of surname and from Mrs. to Miss is no less than a torture.
When I got legally divorced, I was relieved and felt like a huge burden off my shoulders. I was looking forward to start a new life and get back on my feet. Since I am a very mentally strong woman, the taunts of the society don’t affect me at all. But I am writing here to encourage other women.
I have never shied away from telling anyone (when asked) that I am divorced. But the look on their faces after hearing that, makes me wonder that we are still far behind in broad minded thinking, especially in India. Soon, the society started lecturing me to remarry as I am aging, I won’t be able bear kids later, I will not get a good guy, looked at me in pity, etc. As if, the only work for a woman here is to marry and have children. When I would tell them that I will not remarry until I get good partner, they would tell me that I have too much attitude which doesn’t suit me as I am a divorcee. Does that make sense?
But look at me; I am living my best life, independent, happy, fit, a smiling and a dynamic divorcee. I will remarry, but only with the person I connect on all levels – mentally, physically and spiritually. I don’t come under the pressure of the society, never have and never will. I respect the society, but I respect myself more. Getting divorced is not the end of the world, and getting remarried is not the only thing left in life to do. Enjoy the journey, rediscover yourself, make new friends, build a career, travel, donate, and just live in the present.
For me, I had a very strong support from parents and siblings. Besides them, I had Casper and I still have Junior who never let me slip into depression and always kept me healthy and happy. I do not regret my divorce, nor am I happy that it happened. But that was the only solution for both of us to be happy again. Sometimes things don’t work out as expected, and there are many reasons for a divorce. Do not judge anyone. Everyone has their own reasons and fighting their own battles which we do not see. Be patient and loving. Life is beautiful, and without the downs, we will never appreciate the ups. Live and let live!
The answer is, the truth almost always sets us free. … The amount of truth you must tell to any given person depends on how much healthy intimacy you want with that person. The more intimate you want a relationship to be, the more truth you must tell. It’s that simple.
I do not encourage telling lies. But there are times, when telling a lie will be less harmful than telling the truth. Read me out. I am not inspiring anyone to tell a lie. But telling the truth all the time can sometimes be taken for granted from your significant other. I also believe, my partner doesn’t need to know every moment of mine or every minute of the day as to what I am doing or where I am going. I will not lie if he asks, but I may not tell him everything either. As far as I am not cheating and there is great level of trust and respect between us, he has no reason to know everything I do. However, this is called having personal space. But many misuse it to show their dominance or to over power you. It is always good to set boundries and kae it known from the beginning.
When you know you can totally trust your partner, it removes a large potential for worry. It also builds your internal security so that you not only feel good about your partner, but you also feel better about life. Having an honest relationship creates a kind of buffer between you and the difficulties of the world. Having a mate you can trust and rely on also makes it easier to take those risks that help us grow.
Many people feel that little white lies, which may spare their partner some grief, are okay, and in some cases that’s true. When asked about what qualities they want in a partner, most people will list “honesty” among them. Unfortunately, most of us have had the experience of being lied to. When you have a relationship and a family, you need to know that everyone is on the same page, and this is hard to do unless both of you are being honest.
As much as honesty and telling the truth is important in a relationship, “brutal honesty” can do more damage than good. It can be misinterpretted and hurt your partner’s feelings. I also believe, honesty isn’t always the best policy in some circumstances, whether the opposite person is your romantic partner, parents, siblings, friends or collegues.
How many of us have heard from our parents that “everything is fine”, when infact their life is falling apart. How many of us have heard from our friends or sibligs that “I have got the job or I have passed the exam”, when infact it was the other way around and they lied only to keep the other person happy. These are lies we tell all the time for the benefit of others, and sometimes the neccesity of life.
Let’s talk about romantic relationships specifically. Does the truth always set people free? Or can it be a huge, crazy-making pain? If I want to lie a little to get along, am I betraying my authentic self? This is a dilemma we all face virtually every day, whether we articulate it or not. The answer is, the truth almost always sets us free. But not all situations demand the same level of openness. We face a contradiction between our need for honest relationships and the temptation to lie about our failings, desires, and pain.
Tell your partner as much truth as you can. Because relationships are built on trust. If the foundation is weak, the entire relationship will crumble down in no time. If there is no trust, there is no love, and if there is no love, there is no respect. Such relationships are meaningless. You always have a choice, so choose to tell the truth.
But sometimes, it is better in some situation to not tell the truth. Probably everybody would agree that telling the truth is the right thing to do. However, sometimes there is only a fine line between being honest and being rude or being polite and lying. Telling the truth may not be socially acceptable in every situation. In my view, it can sometimes be wiser and more socially acceptable not to frankly tell the truth to everybody.
First of all, we can damage our own reputation and goals with perfect honesty at all times. For example, it may not be a good idea to criticize your partner in public or draw attention to your own mistakes. In both cases it may be more intelligent to avoid commenting on the subject than telling the truth.
Furthermore, unconditional frankness may hurt your partner’s feelings. Our truthful comments may be considered impolite or offending. Even in a close relationship speaking the truth can come across as discouraging and lead to conflicts.
In conclusion, telling the truth can be a bad choice for us and other people in some situations. It can be more socially acceptable to not give an opinion or even lie. Certainly, this finding should not be used as an excuse to lie in general. It is all about finding the delicate balance between being honest and being rude.
Legitimately, there are so many new words I heard and learnt in the past 4 years that it is unbelievable how our generation and the younger generation has complicated, wasted and made the beautiful term “LOVE” meaningless. Besides ghosting, gaslighting, narcissist, talking stage, etc., codependency is just another word that I learnt.
Now what is codependency? In simple words, it means where a person is needy, or dependent upon another person. Basically, clingy. In a relationship, one person is so addicted to the other, that their life doesn’t function normally without the presence of the other person. In a crux, it is actually an unhealthy relationship.
But here, I mainly want to talk about codependent dogs. Yes, I learnt this word after interacting with a Vet. And to understand it better, I read through some articles on the internet and realized this has become very common these days in a relationship.
I had recently gone to the Vet as we are in the process of changing Junior’s medicated food to normal food. He relatively had less patients that day and was free to talk to me. He shared some not so surprising facts with me about the 2 major issues dogs faced in the lockdown – anxiety and obesity.
Obesity was because of the restrictions during the lockdown and the fear of coming in contact with the virus if humans walked their dogs in public. So most of the dog parents over fed their dogs with treats and crumbs to keep them entertained or not to disturb them when they were on a work call or in short, when they were working from home.
The other problem was, anxiety that the dogs faced was because outdoor activities were limited, socializing was a strict no and every walk was atleast 6 feet away from any kind of interaction with other dogs and humans. Because of the pandemic, the humans stayed home 24/7, which means, it was a party for the dogs. For them, there is nothing better than being with their humans’ day and night for months together. Unfortunately, this in due course resulted to codependency. The dogs became completely reliant on their humans for every minute of their day.
You probably would think, “how cute, my dog follows me everywhere. Aww, he/she loves me so much.” But in reality, your dog has forgotten to grasp the concept of having space, and their dependency could be making them a nervous wreck. They have now become so afraid when you leave the house or are not there at home that they become ecstatic when you come home. Their tails are wagging frantically, they start jumping on you and sometimes, even the house is a mess.
For most of us this is a normal behavior, irrespective of the pandemic. But the difference is, now it has become difficult for the dog to be on their own after we have spent months with them and started suffering from anxiety.
So, how do you know the difference between cuteness and codependency? Here are some signs to check in your dog:
Barking more than normal
Jumping a lot
Peeing on the floor
Destroying things at home
Following you from room to room
Nipping on people who gets close to them
Over possessive about their humans
Become a little aggressive
Eats only after you feed them
These are some signs to look for. If you can relate to some or all of the above, then your dog is completely dependent on you and may develop anxiety if not corrected soon.
When I had relocated to a new apartment, Junior faced codependency for a few days as the place was new. But since I knew it was a temporary phase till he got adjusted, I just let him be. But codependency can turn into a permanent problem for the dogs with the little lives that they have.
Allow me to share some suggestions/tips to help your dog and you through it. But first, let me once again bring light to the fact that their clinginess may look cute, but being responsible dog parents, we have to help them be mentally independent just like how we would for human kids. Here are some tips when they behave to gummy:
Pet them less
Ignore them when they are wanting too much attention
Make sure they sleep or have plenty of things to do when you leave home
Be strict on their sleeping time
Slowly and steadily start taking them to dog parks and socialize with other dogs (now that the lockdowns have eased all over the world)
Even when you are home, send them to their favourite space as time out. Basically, less dog-parent interaction
Burn their energy
Stimulate their mind with mental games
Let me inform you, sometimes, the way one partner is dependent on the other partner, even humans can be dependent on their dogs. Like some humans cannot sleep without their dog by their side, or some call the day care 10 times to know how their dog is doing, many won’t go on holidays or dates without their dogs, and even if they do, their only topic to talk about is their dog! Either way, codependency is not healthy. For the betterment of everyone living under one roof and the dog, start being honest with yourself. Learn to have a life of your own and also help your dog become healthy mentally.
Last day of 2020, and coincidentally on a Thursday, my blog day! It would only be appropriate for me to use this opportunity to summarize everything that happened in the past 365 days. Sipping on my tea and calmly thinking about this entire year, all I can say is while the year has been a roller coaster ride; it was probably not all that bad mentally.
I started the year with a bang; ended 2019 and began 2020 with friends at a small hill station. Took Junior to a Doggie event where he enjoyed to the fullest. Devoted a lot of time to this blog. Started trying various form of painting and exploring my skills. Sowed the seeds to my new business. While the new venture was kick starting, my partner and me also got into a parallel business which we had not really envisioned. And then, I even changed my hairstyle. Closely, all this I did in the months of January, February, and March, before the lockdown. Bizarre isn’t it? Since December 2019 I kept reading and hearing about the Corona Virus in Wuhan and eventually how Italy and Iran went into lockdown and people would sing from their windows, etc. But never even for the slightest second I thought that India too will go under complete lockdown.
Honestly, I believe no one around the world would have thought that this virus would turn into an outlandish Pandemic. Ever since the lockdown, there were many things that happened which awakened my inner strengths and weaknesses. Let me start by the major turnaround moment, and that was Junior’s deteriorating health. He fell ill in April and continued degrading till September when we finally were able to diagnose what was really wrong with him; needless to be mentioned I had almost lost him. Due to the lockdown and the fear of contracting the virus, we had limited movement, living alone and I was clouded with only negative thoughts. That was the time when I realized Junior was just not my strength, but biggest weakness also. My old fear (Casper’s death) creeped in and I was paranoid beyond belief. But Thank God, since September, Junior’s health took a U Turn and is improving every passing day. He is still not completely fine, as Pancreatitis takes about 3 to 6 months, and, a change of lifestyle to cure, but we are getting there.
Then later in 2020, after years of tears, fears and a long long wait, I finally got divorced. This was another major event that happened in my life this year. The initial few days felt empty, but later, I was rejuvenated.
I also changed my house, which I had been adjourning for the longest time. I was still contemplating whether or not to move, but I finally did and was the best decision this year. After relocating, I grasped the fact that I was living in my comfort zone, and, compromising a lot on my standard of living. The new house opened up my perspective on what I deserved which I had denied for a pretty long time.
The other thing that I did was, I exited many WhatsApp groups. Sounds small and irrelevant, but when you are living alone and cannot get out of the house, the major source of staying in touch with everyone is phone calls and WhatsApp. But I had quit for a few months; the major reason being fake news that were circulated nonstop. The unnecessary panic was not worth and I occupied myself in other indoor activities, specially entertaining Junior to keep him healthy and active, which in turn also kept my mind busy and body healthy.
It’s funny when in bad times; Facebook and Instagram prompts memories of the things you did on a date a year ago or some years ago. Because of this, each and every festival and birthdays also we celebrated on Zoom calls. My friends and cousins often spoke about what we did last year because of the social media prompts. But we also came to a conclusion, that when all this is over, we will all meet up, laugh and remember that how Zoom call was important in 2020. The best part was, Junior was present in every Zoom call and family and friends also used the doggy filter to not make him feel left out – : )
Work from home, cook for yourself, exercise at home, do home remedies to increase your immunity, social distancing, wash your hands, sanitize your house, etc. started as a temporary phase but ended up being the new normal which I still follow inspite of COVID19 cases reducing and the country has opened up.
Therewithal, I realized I was much happier alone and all the forced conversations, friendships and relationships ended. Some I terminated, some others did. This year put an end to all the halfhearted connections. Everyone who was faking, their masks fell off. And I have been the most grateful for all the people who left. It gets lonely sometimes, but being alone is much better than being friends, family or lover with someone who only used you when they were bored. I believe this happened because people spent most of their days indoors this year with their immediate families. Either they realized their closed one’s importance and mended the broken relations, or they realized they were not meant to be together and parted ways. Also, the savings were exhausting and businesses tanking, there was frustration. Because of all the personal issues, the other bonds faded. And those which were weak, crumbled down. In a way, it made me realize who was actually down for me and who was not. This lockdown turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
This year, many lost their loved ones, a lot of people lost their lives, some became bankrupt, jobless and homeless, some sewed up their relationships, others lead up to divorce or break up. Me too, disorientated from a lot of connections, lost a loved one, sinking business, a lot of frustration and panic attacks. But here I am, finally overcoming all the obstacles and setbacks one by one, sitting comfortably on my couch in my new house, with Junior by my side. All the setbacks were hurtful, but also prepared me for a comeback. Each time, stronger, braver and wiser. Everything happens for a reason and now I am positively hoping and wishing for a better 2021 for me and everyone else.
Wishing all of you a very Happy New Year, All The Best and Never Give Up. It gets better!
Anxiety, depression and suicide are the only things I hear these days apart from someone testing positive from the novel Corona Virus COVID-19. I will be wrong if I say I am now immune to anxiety; though I do not get depressed at all. But anxiety definitely takes a toll on me sometimes. It is said, if a person is living in the past, they suffer from depression. And if a person wants all the answers to the future, they are living in anxiety. And there are some, who suffer from both, which sometimes become fatal and leads to suicide.
In India, in the past few months, we came across a lot of celebrity suicides, which is heartbreaking. And I can say, it was the highest during this lockdown and testing times. We feel, they have name, fame, money, luxury, etc., then why do they have to commit suicide. Some of them even happily married or in happy relationships. But still they decided to end their lives. Well, we will never know the answers as none left behind any suicide note. But one thing I can say, and specially to people who always feel that the grass is greener on the other side, that money or fame or luxury or even being with the perfect life partner is not the only way to live. So what has this pandemic done to us? It has taught us these very important crucial life lessons.
It has taught us that savings is the most important thing in life. It has taught us that not only can we survive with just the bare minimum, but also live happily. It has taught us the importance of essential items. When the lockdowns were announced worldwide, no one rushed to buy a new car or a new dress or an expensive purse. But everyone dashed to buy groceries, medicines, and, even toilet paper. This pandemic has also thrown light on the importance of having our family around us safe and healthy. This pandemic edified us to do small small work on our own like fixing the light bulb or cleaning the clogged drain for which we used to be dependent on other people. It has created many bakers and chefs who had never even made a cup of tea in their entire life. It has coached many to start living a healthy lifestyle and I am the biggest example for this. I was a junk food eater and would barely drink water throughout the day. Now, out of fear though, I have started cooking healthy meals, taking my multivitamins, drinking adequate water and many other healthy things which I will share with you’ll below in detail.
To one side the good things this pandemic has taught, it has also tested many relationships. Never in my life I had heard about so many divorces or breakups before. All the relationships that were built on shaky foundations collapsed. This shows that most of the relationships were only materialistic, either physical or monetary, and when it was time to show true love, many failed. And there were some, who were so bored and tried to reach out to their ex….ha ha ha! Since the only mode of communication during lockdown is video calls or phone calls, just like a long distance relationship, after an argument, you never know if you are going to speak to your partner ever again or no. And as the favorite thing or I can say, the most fashionable thing what people are doing is “ghosting”. Many couples are also restoring to breakups over zoom calls. Or to not sound bad or irresponsible, slowly and steadily one person starts getting distant giving excuses about increased responsibility at home or work tension due to lockdown or any other excuse and eventually disappears leaving the other person with many unanswered questions and a brutally broken heart left to heal on its own. And the next you know, they are dating someone else which turns your life upside down. SAD!
We must understand, these are testing times. Instead of behaving like jerks and idiots, one should take a few days to figure things out instead of just breaking up. You can navigate tough waters without having to disentangle from a relationship. Take a few weeks to figure things out. It’s important to note that at such a time, our ‘shadow selves’ can also come out. We all have a ‘shadow self’, which could be impacted by past baggage, traumatic memories, and things we are not aware of. In other times, we are distracted by work, but when we are by ourselves, we may not know how to deal with past emotional pain. Don’t take impulsive decisions. Unless, one has been cheating behind the scenes or as I said before that an ex sent a text out of no where and the old feelings came rushing back in, then there is no solution to it and the strained one should move on with dignity and self-respect. And use this lockdown to better yourself and rise from the ashes stronger. Trust me, breakup during lockdown will look like a challenge, but soon, you will start loving your me-time. And you will have one less person to worry about….ha ha ha ha ha!
Apart from breakups, savings are drying up and there is less to zero income which is the biggest concern right now. Many of us are struggling to cope with this and the only solution is when the country entirely opens up and the number of Corona Virus Positive cases drastically reduce. Also, all of us are desperately awaiting the vaccine for same.
I am trying my best to stay healthy and keep my immunity on top notch. Taking all precautions like face mask, sanitizer, social distancing, etc. Rest I leave it in God’s hands. Let me share with you’ll the home therapy I am doing for good health and immunity.
I take nasal steam 2-3 times a day
I drink a cup of Kadha a day. Kadha in India is an age old Ayurveda drink used for cold, flu, immunity and overall health. Add crushed peppercorns, ginger, cloves, cinnamon stick, green cardamom, turmeric, tulsi leaves, mint leaves and lemon juice to water and bring it to boil till the water turns to half quantity. Strain and add a little honey and drink warm.
On waking up, I have a warm glass of water with a pinch of salt, turmeric powder and lemon juice on empty stomach.
Later I have a glass of warm turmeric milk
I take multivitamin and Vitamin C tablets
All the above I have apart from regular lunch and dinner. Please note, for some these above home remedies or therapy may create a lot of heat in the body to handle and build acidity. So do only what suit your body. As you all know, I live alone and again even in this crisis, my baby Junior has kept me rational and level headed. Thank God that animals cannot contract the Corona Virus and they are safe. I thank Casper and Junior every day of my life. And I thank God for creating such beautiful and loyal creatures and giving me the opportunity to wake up every morning to the face that loves me the most. My heart would be emptier and life would be less with my dogs.
You know what I breathe these days? FREEDOM! You know what I feel these days? FREEDOM! You know what I sense these days? FREEDOM! Freedom from the emotional block, freedom from the physical block and freedom from the legal block.
Freedom in any case, is only possible by constantly struggling from it. And I did for Seven and a Half Years. Last week was a hell of a week. I had two major events happening; Firstly, Junior’s health had gone for a complete toss! He was throwing up, and, almost collapsed. I had to get his blood work done which turned out to be all normal, but he didn’t stop throwing up and started palpitating. The Vet suggested to get his Heart Study done. To say that I was petrified would be an understatement! And. Secondly, in the middle of all this stress, I was also working on legally releasing my personal block which I was stuck in for many years.
It is said one should not worry too much as they are usually heavier than one’s own weight – Junior’s Heart Study came out to be absolutely fine, and, he had suffered from acidity which has mellowed down too. And, I am peacefully, officially, and legally, happy and single again! In all these events, I realized one of the biggest truths of life, i.e. The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear. The best feeling in the whole world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.
I read somewhere, “You have to make sure that you have someone by your side that wants to be there. Someone who wants to support you, and encourage you. Someone who gives you just as much effort as you give them. Because there are difficult things in life, really hard and haunted things that make it heavy and hurtful at times. But LOVE should not be one of those things. Love should hold your hands and help you brave those storms. So please, just don’t give the best parts of yourself to someone who doesn’t see the value in what they are receiving. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t look at you and know, WITHOUT HESITATION, that they want to stay.”
I completely agree with the above. I wasted so many years of my life trying to convince people of my worth, and love, and, in the process, lost my self-respect, and, developed trust and overthinking issues. It is a torture, literally, to live everyday thinking about not knowing where you stand in a person’s life. After my divorce, I finally broke this mental, physical and rusted chain. Love is not bad, people who do not know how to love are bad.
Even though I have always been a strong woman, but this freedom indisputably feels different and distinctively type of strong. It is liberating. Yeah! Single again and this time, without compromise. Yes, I paid a heavy price for this. To be a single good mother to my dogs while my heart was breaking was one of the hardest roles I have ever had to play. I learnt about the strengths that I didn’t even know that existed in me. And also learnt about the pains that I didn’t know that existed.
In my 7.5 years of separation, I faced a lot of struggles. From riches to rags, from a happy couple to a heartbroken timid girl, from going on holidays together with our dogs to single handedly managing meagerness and the fur babies. And in all this time, I did have support from family and friends, but the battle was within, which no one could do anything about but me. Even the men I met only added to my misery and left me all the more heartbroken.
But today, I am in a much better place and stronger than ever. If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello. Life after divorce, “it is just getting better and the only way is up now.” Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
I do not advice divorce to anyone. If you think there is even a percentage chance to work on it, then please work it out. But if you feel that it is draining you more than giving you peace, then walk out of it. One of the courageous decision you will ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul. I lost and found myself a couple of times in this process. But it’s really ok – This is called healing. I stopped looking for happy endings or sad closures. Now I will only look for New Beginnings. The only way is up, and I am never looking down or back.
I have already started getting unrequited advice from people to remarry and settle down. It’s ok, because I will only smile and agree with them, but will date or marry someone only when I find the one for me. For now, my baby Junior is in good health, I am liberated and positive and will not let anyone mess with it.
If anyone going through a divorce, remember this – you will be scared in the beginning, but eventually you will know that everything happens for a reason and the reason is always good. Burn your fears and face it head on and set yourself free. Trust me, divorces are also made in heaven. The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it. Fall in love with yourself, fall in love with your career, fall in love with the nature and then fall in love with someone who also falls in love with you. Rescue yourself, unlock the fears and set free. One bad chapter doesn’t mean the end of life. And never give anyone the satisfaction to see you suffer. Stay strong and positive always. Cheers!
I have never seen a strong person with an easy past. And what I know for sure is that tough times make people tough. We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use. All we really have to do is, hang in there, acknowledge our feeling’s, have patience, and wait for the storm to pass. In these tough times of the pandemic, having a calm attitude is very important. Because the right mindset is half the battle won.
COVID_19 has plagued the world and brought it down to its knees; not only is it taking lives, but also will result in a huge economic disaster. Let’s talk about the problems and mental health of people facing all over the world due to the lockdown and COVID_19. I only want to tell you, you are not alone and we are all in this together.
As I read many articles, I realised that this lockdown has taken a toll on a lot of people’s mental health. Particularly, I read this article of a 21 years old boy taking his own life. We would never know what a person is thinking or going through just before taking their own life. In such times, having someone by one’s side is so important. So please keep checking on your people who live alone. I too live alone. But as I have said before, my dogs have kept me sane at all levels, and at all times. Yes, there was a time once years ago that I too had considered suicide. I sat on the bed all prepared to take the plunge. But just in the nick of time, Casper jumped on me and started licking my tears of. That very moment I kicked back the plan to give up on life and live. This may be probably why even this lockdown has not affected me much. It is not that that I do not have any issues right now; but I have learnt that having problems is a part and parcel of life. How you deal with it, is all that really counts. Yes, I do have my well-wishers and near and dear ones with me. But throughout the day and night, I am alone with Junior and it will never be enough for me to stress on the fact that he keeps me sane.
Many a times when I am alone in my thoughts, especially in the evenings and nights; I linger onto my past and present and put myself in a state of fear and panic due to over thinking. But one thing for a fact is, till date whatever I have over thought, only 10% of it has ever come out to be true. Remaining 90% have always been a complete waste of time, and not only unnecessarily puts me into a troubled state, but also those in front of me to whom I vent out to. I sometimes do not even trust my gut as I do not know if it is my intuition telling me something or my defence mechanism stopping me. We humans are very complicated. And that’s why, accidentally my dogs came into my life and helped me sail through the ups and downs. So much so, that Casper even taught me how to let go. He taught me that everything is temporary, so make the most out of life TODAY. Don’t hold on to anything if not given freely, whether it is friendship, relationship, job, etc.
Life is not fair. The only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair. When times are tough, it can be very difficult to follow your heart. I believe fear and greed drives a person into taking decisions that most of us regret later. Trust me, the biggest fear doesn’t really exist. Thoughts drive through our minds all the time. Like traffic, they might flow smoothly. But they sometimes also back up, causing a traffic jam. When they collide, the impact can truly throw us psychologically, making you anxious, depressed, or generally distressed. However, just because they are driving through your mind, it does not mean they represent an objective reality. They are often more a figment of your imagination than an observation. So, for a life that flows smoothly, it is essential that you not believe everything you think.
Sometimes it is going to hurt a lot more, when you feel alone. Sometimes it is going to get tough, when you feel you are in a dark place. The first thing you got to realise that you have to love yourself. It is all about self love. Fall in love with yourself again. Make an impact in this world. All we know is life is short. We all sleep with plans for tomorrow. But many people did not wake up; and here you are, still living. Life is living. There is the good, there is the bad and there is RIGHT NOW.
You cannot or rather should not wait on somebody for your happiness. You cannot endlessly wait on somebody to make your life better; You and only you have to do it for yourself and leave your mark. Help someone or lift them up when they are weak. And maybe when you are at your weakest, someone will lift you up. Because we all struggle. Make sure you make your mark in this world, because someone didn’t make it alive today. But you did. Keep living, keep fighting, and do not give up.
Most of us are more worried about the financial losses we are facing because of the lockdown than the virus itself. Others are worried about court dates. Then there are many worried about paying rents or being evicted from their houses by the landlord. Some children are living with abusive parents whose only escape was school. Some people are living with abusive partners whose escape was going for work or meeting a friend for coffee. The list of problems is endless. But what I learnt from my past experiences is that, these bad days will pass. Though, like a kidney stone, but it will pass, and there will be sunshine again. And as it’s said, we do not appreciate the sunshine unless there are rains. Sometimes it will take years to become successful. Sometimes it will take a lot of punches to hit back right.
Till then, relax, reset and then restart. We all know what the symptoms are of Corona virus. We all know what precautions have to be taken to stay away from this virus. So let’s be smart and take care of our own selves than relying on anyone else. And one more time, this virus doesn’t spread through dogs, so do not abandon them.